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What I’m doing to help myself

by Wintergirl

This is hard for me to do, help myself. I don’t want therapy, I don’t want meds. I am responsible for my own well-being, and I need to do things to help myself.

I’m planning on upping the exercise for one.. I’m so out of shape compared to the time when I worked out all the damn time. But I can walk, one foot in front of the other. I can choose to walk a mile and a half every day I have to work from my house to the bus station and skip one part of my bus transit. I did that today and walked a lot more, 2.4 miles. It sounds like nothing really but it all adds up and I hate myself for being so damn lazy. I know I could just skip the bus completely and walk the 3 miles to work every day but I really enjoy the time I spend with one of the drivers, she makes my day. She doesn’t have to remember how I hadn’t been feeling well or tell me she missed me when I hadn’t been on her bus in a few days. I  thrive on those sorta interactions. It makes me want to keep on pushing forward,  you know?

 

Another thing I’m trying to do is eat better,  more fruits and veggies, less processed shit.  As a recovered anorexic, this is tricky. I am 50 lbs up from my lowest weight and I feel horrible. I am scared that I could end up back in that mindset and part of me really doesn’t care…i starved for so many years, sometimes I really miss it. I miss the control I thought I had and all the bones. I don’t miss almost passing out every time I stood up and freaking the fuck out over what the hell I was going to eat. So, this is tricky ground.

 

I also want to get back into my art and crafty creations.

The point of all this is, I need to make changes and I need to make them sooner than later because I’m not getting any younger.  I miss a lot of who I used to be. Tired of who I am now.   I hope it all works out.

 

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12 comments

restrictingheart 6/6/2016 - 12:34 am

I wish you the best of luck in changing your life for the better. Someone once told me that you only have to make a decision to change and you already did the hardest part. Your own mind is your worst enemy. So Don’t give into the negativity and be proud of everything you do. You have the power save yourself. You don’t have to be the old you either. You can be someone completely different. As long as you are happy the changes are worth it.

Wintergirl 6/6/2016 - 12:41 am

Thank you for your kind words. I have been slowly changing. Four months ago when I first came to SP I was so lost, horribly depressed and ready to give up. This place has helped me and when I try to live again there are good things that happen, some are quite subtle but I’m trying to pay attention.

restrictingheart 6/6/2016 - 11:27 am

The little things are surprisingly the most powerful. When you feel lost and helpless it is the one small act that changes your thoughts. Keep your eyes on the little things. They could save you.

rocketman 6/6/2016 - 12:44 am

WintergirL, It will, i’m doing the same thing improving myself, you got to keep at it, making it a part of your daily routine, progress is slow but you will see a difference sooner or later, what ever you work on the better it gets.

Wintergirl 6/6/2016 - 12:52 am

I know, I hope it sooner than later though. Thanks Rocketman.

ZeldaSky 6/6/2016 - 12:52 am

I’ve tried to do this, on and off. But I feel like I put in so much effort, and see barely any results! Instead of it being 80/20 (80% of results from 20% effort), it’s more like 20/80 :/
And I wonder if it’s even worth keeping on going.
Sorry. I’m being negative. I hope in your situation, your efforts pay off alot more!

Wintergirl 6/6/2016 - 12:53 am

Keep trying. Sometimes it takes a long time to really get good results.

Morris 6/6/2016 - 1:00 am

Yep. Time only moves forward. Life isn’t a Quentin Tarantino film where the sequence of events bounce out of order. Life is linear.

Don’t bother trying to buy a time machine. Total waste of time. You’ll get ripped off on Craigslist.

nepheliad 6/6/2016 - 1:30 am

That’s great you’re on that path. I myself am kind of addicted to self-improvement techniques lately. Exercising and trying to take care of my body, spending time in the sun, eating super healthy (I still like unhealthy stuff, but I want to see what I can do by eliminating that from my diet for awhile), drinking green tea (and other teas), pure fruit juice and smoothies (dairy-free, because it can be inflammatory),… Less alcohol these days too. (Sleep and insomnia is an issue though, I need to work on that.)

In addition… I don’t converse with people unless they’re being pleasant. I’ve also been avoiding the kinds of shows and films and daily news that could make me feel negative, and I haven’t been listening to music unless it puts me in a positive headspace. I’ve been rediscovering old hobbies I used to enjoy, like cooking (I enjoy making Indian and Thai style curries), photography, organizing, planning (AND being spontaneous), going for walks and wandering around, or simply sitting outside in silence in the evening, and listening to ithe birds warble, etc.

Do I still feel down at times? Sure. But when I’m stressed I tell myself: “Focus on the moment. This is what’s real right now. Don’t think about the past. Don’t think about an imagined future. Just be. Listen to life’s natural soundtrack. Be present in the now.”

I’m starting to feel like a different person, so I think that’s a good sign.

Shephard 6/6/2016 - 7:14 am

Buy a speed rope (jump/skipping rope) and do that for ten minutes each morning and night, thrice weekly, along with six-count burpies starting from 10 and working your way down to 1 (10, 9, 8 etc). Take your time with the burpies and really engage your core with both exercises. You get a full body workout along with some good cardio right outside your house.

Best of luck with everything though. Glad to see folks making an effort at change for the better

Dawg 6/6/2016 - 11:23 am

Burpies SUCK! 😀 … but you’re right, they do work – key for everyone is to have realistic expectations. Nothing worth doing gets accomplished with minimal or no effort and/or/investment of time … as the old saying goes “The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step” … think about that in practical terms – we literally get nowhere without first taking ONE step … but that’s just the first of many. Some things require you to take ALL the steps, there just is no other way – no Star Trek Transporter systems

Focus on reality
Make a game plan
Implement
follow through to the end

Good to see you Shepard 🙂

reality dawg

Specter 6/6/2016 - 12:30 pm

Pretty inspiring post. That simple statement in the first paragraph, “I am responsible for my own well-being”, is something that tends to escape me as I spend so much time trying to attribute my problems to what other people have done to me.

Starting in February I ate really healthy for 9-10 weeks, and in the month of March I managed to hike 70 miles. But I can remember the night in April when it all came undone, another person deciding to disappoint me and reject me, and that very night I marched down to the kitchen and ate a bunch of junk. And then of course it spiraled into the rest of April and May going right back to where I started. No more walking, terrible food.

Anyways, keep it up Wintergirl. The phrase “good luck” almost wanted to slip out there, but it doesn’t take luck.

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