This is hard for me to do, help myself. I don’t want therapy, I don’t want meds. I am responsible for my own well-being, and I need to do things to help myself.
I’m planning on upping the exercise for one.. I’m so out of shape compared to the time when I worked out all the damn time. But I can walk, one foot in front of the other. I can choose to walk a mile and a half every day I have to work from my house to the bus station and skip one part of my bus transit. I did that today and walked a lot more, 2.4 miles. It sounds like nothing really but it all adds up and I hate myself for being so damn lazy. I know I could just skip the bus completely and walk the 3 miles to work every day but I really enjoy the time I spend with one of the drivers, she makes my day. She doesn’t have to remember how I hadn’t been feeling well or tell me she missed me when I hadn’t been on her bus in a few days. I thrive on those sorta interactions. It makes me want to keep on pushing forward, you know?
Another thing I’m trying to do is eat better, more fruits and veggies, less processed shit. As a recovered anorexic, this is tricky. I am 50 lbs up from my lowest weight and I feel horrible. I am scared that I could end up back in that mindset and part of me really doesn’t care…i starved for so many years, sometimes I really miss it. I miss the control I thought I had and all the bones. I don’t miss almost passing out every time I stood up and freaking the fuck out over what the hell I was going to eat. So, this is tricky ground.
I also want to get back into my art and crafty creations.
The point of all this is, I need to make changes and I need to make them sooner than later because I’m not getting any younger. I miss a lot of who I used to be. Tired of who I am now. I hope it all works out.