eXHAUSTEd

  July 14th, 2016 by CARLOSPEJUAN

I feel tired. And it’s no loner a lethargic exhaustion. It is no longer a physical over exhertion due to the lack of calories. I just am tired of everything. I am tired of being the wierdo in my family, friends, at work, and everywhere I go. I am tired of trying to make everyone laugh and happy, and then being called annoying and a fag. I am tired of doing things for people that have and will never be retured. I am tired of people hating me, for being slower than them. I am tired of not being able to unlock my full potential due to my shortcommings as a human being. I am tired of people telling me that maybe I am the problem, specifically the ones who know that I said that, I tried changing, and I then attempted to commit suicide because what they told me was something I know for a fact. I am tired of people lying to me to make me feel better. A) It doesn’t even work anymore, B) Is there really nothing good about me? I am tired of staying quiet to not offend people who wouldn’t do the same. As a matter of fact, they do the opposite constantly. On that same note, I am SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of turning the other cheek. I am sick and tired of not being able to do evil onto others because of the way I was raised. I’m sick and tired of being suck a pitiful subpar human being, that I have to take pills, JUST TO ATTEMPT TO TRY TO STAY NEUTRALLY BOUYANT. Because everyone has giving up on trying to help me float. I am tired of fighting, WHY? FOR WHAT? WHAT IS THERE TO FIGHT FOR? I am tired of the only people who want to help others are those who are also in pain, since the rest of them are unempathic psychopathic cunts. I am tired of giving people chances and overlooking their flaws. I am tired of of being tired all the time because I am never hungry and thus the lack of calories makes me tired. I am tired of being a little *****. I am tired of people thinking that I don’t know how evil they truly are. I am tired of these people not realizing that I am probably the only person who has truly overlooked their flaws and that that is no reason to torment me. I am tired of idiots who i actually hate thinking that I do like them just because unlike their cunty shitty selves, I can be polite to those who I hate and don’t act upon my hate. I am tired of knowing that I am a bastard child of two people who could’ve been sooo succesful had they not been idiots and had sex with out strings attatched. These idiods gave me the worst sicknesses of them all, life and by doing so and bringing me to this specific world they condemned me to death. I don’t understand why they decided mating was a good idea. My mother was SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT. Of all the men she could’ve chosen the one they told her no. I hope she’s happy now, because I sure as hell am not… and I let her know it every time I get the chance. I can’t say I love you anymore. I no longer feel that way. My uncle who kinda had a brain, rancorous till death hates my mother, but “loves me”. That fucker thought he played me into giving him part of my inheritance. If only he knew that as soon as he had the nerve to try to trick me, I deleted him from my love list along with my parents. Ironically, my little cousin, his daughter is probably the only person besides my first friend, that I love. If I wasn’t a fucking fag, I would’ve been with her. I am sick of preferring men over women to a 99 percentile, mainly because I am too much of a chicken shit pussywillow (lol) to make moves on girls. I’m tired of not being cute enough for anyone who I like. I am tired of being so god damned shallow. I am tired of being so stupid. I am tired of ┬áme and the circumstances that sorround me. I’m done.

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