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False Hope

by chinadoll4

I found it. A place where i was actually happy. I hadnt even thought of suicide, or self harm in almost two weeks. But then as we were taking a walk they told me that they had been eagerly awaiting my sister since i got here – that they were excited for me to go back. That they were also dome with me. Afterward, i heard them upstairs talking shit whem they thought i couldnt here. I wonder if they have been doing this throughout the whole two weeks, or if i was finally hearing it now because now I know what they actually think of me.

I thought that they actually cared. I thought that maybe, just maybe I’d found some people who give a shit about me. Its amazing how fast you can go from being happy and having a good time to having to excuse yourself so just so that you can get away because you have to be alone. You just dont have it in you to put up the “happy go lucky” face anymore.

Well, at least they get to have my sister since they’re swapping us out the day after tomorrow. Jeez, I hate my life and I hate myself more. Why the fuck do people fuck with my emotions like this? I can’t think of anything. Amy advice? For anything? I just need a shit ton of help…

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3 comments

Alberto007 7/29/2016 - 9:31 pm

To feel good in life, do not expect anything from anyone, not let your happiness depend on others.

noneedforaname 7/29/2016 - 11:04 pm

Hi chinadoll4. I just posted something about this the other day. I’m 47 and wondered the same thing for years. My dad isn’t my real dad but raised me my whole life and his side of the family let me know from an early age what a disappointment i was ( didn’t know what a little bastard was for years lol ) i can laugh about it now cause it doesn’t bother me. I’ve always had bad anger issues but have finally learned to control those angry feelings. I finally came to the conclusion that their opinions don’t matter. You see misery loves company, and it seems that people that are not happy don’t want anybody else top be happy. So i distant myself from them. I figure negative breeds negative, and positive breeds positive. Don’t let nobody take away your happiness…… Go out there and get your happiness, because at the end of the day we all deserve to be happy. I’m not sure if this helps at all but it has for me. Don’t give up on yourself because the people that you’re talking about are the ones that are losing out. Go out there and find your happiness.

chinadoll4 7/30/2016 - 8:50 am

Thanks. That actually helped a lot

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