My parents never talked to me and dismissed my problems because they are too perfect for their kid to have flaws I guess. I am a weird kid. I never kissed a girl, never had friends, never had a childhood and I guess I never grew out of it.
A new employee at work is a girl who is the friendliest person I ever met. On her first day she introduced herself to me and she seemed genuinely interested about me and she was smiling. She always smiles. Few days later a coworker told me that she said that I’m smart and nice.
She is my cure for all the years I’ll never get back. I feel like she is my last hope to be happy. Feeling her affection for me is what I imagine heroin feels like. I felt like my life is wroth living and there is something worth getting up for. I was desperate to talk to her as much as possible and see her all the time. Progressively she became more and more weirded out by me and I feel like she started avoiding me.
I am on my vacation time right now. I can’t stop being obsessive about her. I look around myself all the time in hope that I’ll see her walking the street and check the plates on every car in hope that I’ll see hers. I want to surprisingly run into her so I can see would she be happy or sad to see me. In my head at night I imagine all the scenarios where I just tell her everything and she lets me put my arm around her showing that I’m a human being worthy of love. I know that she would be repulsed if she knew how desperate I am and rejection would kill me as she is my last bit of hope.
I can’t handle being distant from her anymore so I followed her home from work and sat in my car in front of her apartment for hours. In the small hours I got too tired to not fall asleep in the car because of all the nights I didn’t sleep before that and so I came to the entrance and rang her three times on the entry phone just to hear her voice. I guess I waked her up and she said “Hello” in a tired voice and than even more silently “hello” again. I stayed silent and went home. I think I’ll come back in front of her apartment today and record her voice with a phone so I can listen to it