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no meds for weeks – or months

by JiminyCrispies

My psychiatrist called this afternoon and kindly informed me that I need another blood test either this week or next. My prolactin levels are too high, and I need another test to check it to decide whether I need more tests at the hospital for it.

That means no new medication for who knows how long. I can’t cope with this all anymore, and now they’re pushing something that could potentially help me to one side because of some ridiculous hormone imbalance.

My doctor said it could be down to stress that the levels are so high – I was stressed for days about the blood test. And prolactin levels are highest during sleep and shortly after – and I had the blood test a couple hours after getting up. It’ll probably turn out to be nothing, and that will have been more time wasted.

I don’t know how I’m going to cope for a week in London with relatives who hate any sort of psychiatry. I’ve had the overwhelming urge to cut for the last few days, and I know I can’t because my mum will go ballistic. Especially since I’m going down there and she lied to them, saying I hadn’t done it in months. I don’t think I can ignore it tonight though.

I’m panicking over how I’m going to cope alone down there, I’m neglecting everything. I haven’t washed my hair in four days. I haven’t had dinner for the last week. I’ve barely eaten at all, in fact. I’m struggling to go downstairs of a morning because when I do it’s an empty house since everyone’s out, and I’m convinced there’s someone waiting to murder me down there.

I couldn’t leave the house today to get dog food because I know there are people out the watching me and are waiting to get me, so my dogs had to wait until 7 tonight to get any proper food when my stepdad came home. Now I have to leave the house at some point to go to the doctors, and that terrifies me.

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6 comments

shatterediris 7/7/2016 - 1:22 am

That sort of sucks that your more distant family knows that you have cut yourself…. Isn’t keeping it covered an option? (if it does occur, I would rather it didn’t occur though -_-)

JiminyCrispies 7/7/2016 - 4:22 am

I ended up not cutting and instead I sat up with Jeremy for a couple hours. My mum does random checks every couple of days, so she usually finds any cuts that I do.
And when I went to see my family in London last year they always made me take my jackets off so I had short sleeves, even after I said it makes me uncomfortable that they can see my scars (since they’re quick to judge). So doing it and covering it up when I’m down there isn’t really and option.

hallowy 7/7/2016 - 3:56 am

I cant believe your story. Where I come from you would have been on meds from the BEGINNING. I cant believe you even had to ask and that they are delaying it. What the fuck? Yes they did some blood tests when they were putting me on antipsychotics, but it didnt take weeks, not even a day I think, to start me on meds. And your case is much worse than mine has ever been. I am so sorry you have to go through this all 🙁 I have read all your posts and it leaves me in utter awe that medical system is working that way for you. Hope its gonna work out eventually. Be safe!

JiminyCrispies 7/7/2016 - 4:19 am

No one has been taking me seriously until earlier this year – despite spending years before telling them what’s going on. They’re still trying to put it down to just depression and anxiety, and my psychiatrist is still reluctant to put me on meds. She knows I’m struggling, every time I see her I tell her it’s getting worse. But she’s said I have to have all this sorted before I can start my meds.
My family aren’t coping with me, and they’ve just been yelling at me because they don’t know what to do. Honestly, at the way I’m going I’m seriously considering going to hospital. It’s still one of my safe places right now, and I might actually start getting some help there.

metalwarrior665 7/7/2016 - 8:53 am

I would do that immediately. My friend was psychotic for years really deep and they helped him a lot.

SadPotato 7/7/2016 - 5:37 am

This is frankly horrible news, but I’m glad to hear that you didn’t cut. However, I’m not surprised that you’re having this shitty experience with trying to get help. Britain isn’t very mental health friendly, even worse than the U.S. If it gets too much to handle, then maybe going to the hospital is the best idea. I hope everything gets better.

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