My psychiatrist called this afternoon and kindly informed me that I need another blood test either this week or next. My prolactin levels are too high, and I need another test to check it to decide whether I need more tests at the hospital for it.
That means no new medication for who knows how long. I can’t cope with this all anymore, and now they’re pushing something that could potentially help me to one side because of some ridiculous hormone imbalance.
My doctor said it could be down to stress that the levels are so high – I was stressed for days about the blood test. And prolactin levels are highest during sleep and shortly after – and I had the blood test a couple hours after getting up. It’ll probably turn out to be nothing, and that will have been more time wasted.
I don’t know how I’m going to cope for a week in London with relatives who hate any sort of psychiatry. I’ve had the overwhelming urge to cut for the last few days, and I know I can’t because my mum will go ballistic. Especially since I’m going down there and she lied to them, saying I hadn’t done it in months. I don’t think I can ignore it tonight though.
I’m panicking over how I’m going to cope alone down there, I’m neglecting everything. I haven’t washed my hair in four days. I haven’t had dinner for the last week. I’ve barely eaten at all, in fact. I’m struggling to go downstairs of a morning because when I do it’s an empty house since everyone’s out, and I’m convinced there’s someone waiting to murder me down there.
I couldn’t leave the house today to get dog food because I know there are people out the watching me and are waiting to get me, so my dogs had to wait until 7 tonight to get any proper food when my stepdad came home. Now I have to leave the house at some point to go to the doctors, and that terrifies me.