I hope that they suffer…. Why the fuck do they think it is okay to invite themselves over and then be total pricks that should fucking kill themselves…. I hope they die in a slow and painful way. ARGH…. I can’t stand it. I really really want to tear into my skin right now, I want to bleed…. I need to, I want to shred my fucking arm because I was too much of a little ***** to remove a person like that from our society, I should have killed them where they sat without a second thought, I was holding a knife and everything, and they were sitting right next to me…. Would have been pre simple to over power them and stab them to death (the knife was probably solid enough to force itself deep into their body and not break) they were much older and much more feeble than I am, and I would have had the advantage as they were not paying full attention to me at a few moments…. I could have pounced…. I should kill myself since I can’t kill them.
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Why do I have to know that it is a bad idea to kill people? But I desire nothing more than to do so :/
I think you’d be surprised at how hard it is to kill someone with a knife.
However, that’s beside the point. Maybe you should try some anger management techniques. Breathing, stress balls, and the like. Also, try to curb, and replace your murder and self-harm thoughts. When you feel you’re beginning to form those thoughts, try to stop them. Think about other things. Murdering innocents, no matter how shitty they are, is unforgivable, and shredding your own arm won’t help anyone or anything.
I’m certain that my hatred could have allowed me to kill them with the knife…. if it broke or got stuck and I couldn’t stab them several times I would simply just beat them to death…. I’m certain I could have killed or at least maimed them…. Since my father was in the room (the other people would have been unable to do anything) he probably would have pulled me off of that stupid racist *****…. before I could actually end her life…. I really wanted nothing more than to feel the life leave her body at that point…. I would not call her innocent, people like her need to be killed, I hate it so much. :/
and yes I am aware that my feelings about this sort of thing makes me just as bad as the people that I hate so very much….
at least I was able to decide that she wasn’t worth dying over, I could have only killed 2 of their kind in that scenario…. And I want to cleanse our society of more than that, and I know as soon as I start that I would have sealed my fate and that I will die…. So at least this time it wasn’t worth it…. But I hate that I feel that mostly I didn’t do it because I am scared of dying for some reason…. Which is odd, as I really do want to die…. But everything I actually give it serious thought or try to act upon any form of plan (no matter how likely/unlikely it would be to succeed) I always get scared…. I’m a coward…. But I am getting better about cutting myself though, I haven’t cut myself yet…. and considering the fact that I excused myself from the table and ran to the bathroom to cut myself I feel that’s pre good (I removed the blade I used to keep in my wallet, and I couldn’t find anything to use in the bathroom, and of course I couldn’t bring the table knife in the bathroom with me (that’d look weird) so I ended up having nothing to cut myself with…. I know if I had had something I would have at that moment, and now I could easily find something but I did talk to my friend about it earlier, and told him that I would try not to, so I have decided I will actually try not to…. eventhough I really really want to 🙁 )
I hate that stupid ignorant ***** still…. I hope that something horrible happens to her…. I hope that her son decides he’s had enough of her shit and kills his son, brother, and step father, and then finally himself all while she is watching, and she is left alone.
*and then she will be left alone…. that would have read better…. my grammar sucks :/
Hatred doesn’t have anything to do with if you’ll be able to kill a person. There’s also a vast difference between imagining it, and the reality of it. Anyway, I’m definitely not going to give a lesson on the logistics of killing a person. That would be multiple ways fucked up.
One person can’t decide who should be “cleansed”, anyway, there shouldn’t be “cleansing” in the first place. We can’t live in a world where people kill others just because they’re assholes, bigots, racists, sexists, homophobes ect. Just ignore them, in many cases those people are like that because they were raised in a certain fashion, in a certain environment. It isn’t wholly their fault.
It’s alright if these types of thoughts spring up, I’ve heard far worse. Just try to curb them, like I said. It’s toxic to yourself, you’re just damaging yourself and nothing else. Also, it’s good to hear that you’ve got, sort of, a handle on your cutting.
It’s okay. If you can convey meaning with the things you type, the grammar doesn’t matter much, no matter how “sucky” it is.