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I hate it

by justanothergirl09

I hate myself so much. I hate the fact that I’m getting better; I wish I could go back to how I used to be. I used to be so dark inside and although I had a few friends, I hated coming out of my room and I shut everyone out. I was so content with myself and I miss that feeling. I miss shutting everyone out and being me.

I hate the way I look because I know I can look good but when I look in the mirror, I see the flaws no one else sees and when I think I look good, I remember I can’t look like her. Her. She is the is the pretty girl I see at school. The one that has a great body. The one that can get my crush to like her instantly. She is the opposite of me and I wish I was her.

I want to be who I used to be and everything started changing a year ago. A year ago I was my usual self but I started listening to kpop. That is the barrier preventing me to go back to the old me. It means so much to me so I don’t want to give it up but it’s blocking my comfort zone and pushing me towards people.

I’m 16 and diabetic. I want to stop eating but my depression makes me eat more than I should. I want to know what it’s like to be skinny and liked. I want to starve myself but I somehow can’t. I desperately want to lose weight but how can I. I hate how I look.

 

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majesticwalrus 8/19/2016 - 10:44 pm

I get hit on by most girls I see when I go into bars and stuff, but I know that I’m fat and ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you might feel unattractive right now, but that doesn’t mean it’s true. I don’t know what kpop is, so I have no idea about how to stay away from people with it. I play Dungeons and Dragons every week, and it requires human contact, so I just disappear off into my place and never leave or deal with other people unless I really have to. I guess I just mean that I understand, so don’t feel like you’re completely alone.

As for dieting stuff, I know that low carb and high fiber usually helps drop off a few pounds, if you’re really concerned about that. If that helps at all.

I’m here if there’s anything at all I can do to help.

Arthur R. 8/20/2016 - 12:42 am

hey just another.
I hear you. and honestly this is one of those times I wish I could say I understand. but I can’t. I don’t know what it’s like to be a 16 year old diabetic girl but I know what it’s like to be fat. and to feel ugly cause of it. I know it’s hard and it’s heartbreaking when your crush doesn’t want you. there’s so many times I wanted to jump off of the roof of my school cause of it. but don’t… please don’t, just hear me out I finally met someone who even though she wasn’t as slender as my crush even though she wasn’t as popular and didn’t wear sexy clothes, she loved me. I realized that I didn’t need any of the crushes in highschool then cause I felt truly wanted for once and all the sex and lust and outward beauty in the world can’t give you that.
study hard, work hard, love yourself, and then find someone who loves you.
my girlfriend right now we both won’t win any modeling contest but I think she’s the most wonderful person in the world. she’s my love.
I almost lost her at one point. her life got too hard and she almost committed suicide. I see a lot of her in you. please don’t let the world lose a good person, there’s someone out there who’ll love you more than anything and would gladly give up everything in the world to be with you. just like I would for my Hun. don’t make that person walk this world alone.
I can’t promise that life will get better but I can tell you that there’s someone out there who needs you. I can’t imagine if anything happened to my hunny I do love her so.

I wish you the best and I hope this reaches you in time ,
Arthur

Arthur R. 8/20/2016 - 12:43 am

ps if you need to talk my emails on here or just comment and I’ll get a notice.

justanothergirl09 8/20/2016 - 10:54 am

Yes, I would like to talk to you.

Arthur R. 8/23/2016 - 12:05 am

alright well tell me how are things going?
what new news is there? or wherever you wanna start. I’m no professional just an ear to listen.

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