I hate it

August 19th, 2016by justanothergirl09

I hate myself so much. I hate the fact that I’m getting better; I wish I could go back to how I used to be. I used to be so dark inside and although I had a few friends, I hated coming out of my room and I shut everyone out. I was so content with myself and I miss that feeling. I miss shutting everyone out and being me.

I hate the way I look because I know I can look good but when I look in the mirror, I see the flaws no one else sees and when I think I look good, I remember I can’t look like her. Her. She is the is the pretty girl I see at school. The one that has a great body. The one that can get my crush to like her instantly. She is the opposite of me and I wish I was her.

I want to be who I used to be and everything started changing a year ago. A year ago I was my usual self but I started listening to kpop. That is the barrier preventing me to go back to the old me. It means so much to me so I don’t want to give it up but it’s blocking my comfort zone and pushing me towards people.

I’m 16 and diabetic. I want to stop eating but my depression makes me eat more than I should. I want to know what it’s like to be skinny and liked. I want to starve myself but I somehow can’t. I desperately want to lose weight but how can I. I hate how I look.

 

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