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by NineTheTimesBluer

I mentioned in a previous post that I lost my closest friend to suicide.

Her name was Paige. She was a beautiful, 15-year-old girl, and I spent most of my time with her. We were like twins.

Paige…she didn’t seem to have any mental illnesses, but I guess that’s because it’s so easy to hide it. She was like a light;she always knew what to say, or what to do. Her life was a beautiful one-she had it good, but mental illnesses don’t care about your quality of life.

I never noticed anything wrong, or out of the ordinary.

It came as a complete shock to me when her mother told me she’d taken her own life. Maybe I was just so wrapped up in my own problems I was oblivious to everything else.

It didn’t really help that I was dealing with mental health issues of my own. She gave me her full attention-she always took the time to listen to me, and just sit with me, even when she could be doing something way more fun. I still sometimes think that her mental health suffered as a consequence of mine. It’s not exactly fair to load another person with your problems and expect them to be okay with it.

She was everything to me, and I still blame myself for it. It’s not been the same since.


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Wittie 8/4/2016 - 12:43 am

It’s not your fault. If she wanted you to know she would have told you. You were a good friend, you would have tried to stop her, which is probably why she didn’t tell you. You probably would have tried to stop her but would not have been able to. i believe she tried to spare you from feeling responsible. You don’t need to blame yourself. And you cannot blame your difficulties, either.
I am sorry you lost your friend. I am sorry you miss her. It is okay for you to forgive her, forgive yourself and to live again.

shatterediris 8/4/2016 - 4:10 pm

Yeah it’s not your fault at all…. She sounds like a great friend though, is sad that she felt the need to take her life. She may not have wanted to burden you with that information (as wittie said) so never brought it up…. So many people want to die it’s quite surprising. Suicide is never easy for the living to deal with, however it never is selfish either…. I’m very sorry that you had to experience this.

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