I hate it. I fucking hate it how everybody act like everything is just peachy!!! Everything is like fucking nightmare. They don’t notice it. They don’t notice how I am not eating my food. How I am dying. They don’t notice that the smile that I show is fake. Even my parents don’t notice that I am just acting like everything is perfect. I mean they are my parents right? They should know when I am lying they should know when I am putting act.
But they don’t. They don’t notice that I am acting. Every night when I go to my bed I don’t sleep. I stopped sleeping a long time ago. I am just taking naps in the morning time. I don’t sleep at nights because I don’t wanna see another nightmare that would make me more terrified. I don’t need nightmares to make me suffer more. So, I don’t sleep I sit all night and read books and study for school with my phone’s flashlight. While my parents thinking that I am sleeping. and do you know what they told me recently? They told me that I am not reading books. They told me that I am not studying.
What the fuck? I wanted to tell them that I am studying, I am reading books every night when they sound asleep. I wanted to tell that I am fighting with my self to don’t sleep because I don’t want to be more scared.
But I didn’t told them anything. I just shrugged them and went to my room. now tell me:
WHY THEY DON’T NOTICE THAT THEIR CHILD IS DYING INSIDE? WHY DON’T THEY NOTICE THAT I AM ACTING. WHY DIDN’T THEY NOTICED THAT I AM TRYING TO DO MY BEST. WHY DO THEY STILL PUSHING ME TO MY LIMITS WHEN I CAN’T GO ANYMORE? PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHY PARENTS ARE SO BLIND TO THE WORLD?
6 comments
Maybe they don’t notice it because you are not saying nothing. Your parents can’t read your mind. Just go and tell them if you want them know so bad
i feel the same , i cry all day long without anyone seeing or noticing , i’m just depressed . i’ll just tell you what i tell myself everyday : stay strong . don’t depend on them to console you , act like a grown up , be responsible for your actions and never let them tear you apart . i like the fact that you don’t tell them that you actually studied and read books , that’s what i do all the time hhhhhh and i don’t regret it , i don’t have to explain to anyone something he doesn’t know as long as you never stop reading and remember that you future is between your hands , never give up on it 🙂
i wish that my message makes you feel even a tiniest bit of hope
honestly, most people aren’t on the lookout for warning signs. they kinda expect you to automatically be ok, and unless things get really bad it can be easy to miss what is sometimes painfully obvious.
and conversely, people can see warning signs where there aren’t any. it depends on what they’ve personally experienced/ had exposure to, and knowing you and your personality. maybe they just take your faking it as face value, and think you will come forward if anything’s really off the radar. like tragedyofjohn said above, they can’t read minds.
i know i’ve faked it (and downright lied) with friends and when they’ve noticed it, and i’ve noticed when they’ve faked it with me. usually there’s not much said about it (though sometimes i think there should be).
why?
most people have a sense of boundary and the ability and respect to allow them to exist. it’s difficult sometimes to know when to let it be and leave a person to their privacy or to reach out, and trusting if it’s needed they’ll reach out too.
also.. being a young adult there’s a lot of change going on anyway. they could chalk it up to that. the only reason i can think why they’d assume you aren’t studying is if your grades aren’t up to their expectations, or they don’t see you doing it during daytime and think it mustn’t happen at all.
my input, anyway.
great advice idm!
You said that perfectly. I know exactly, EXACTLY how you feel trust me. You completely took the words out of my mouth, I know just about everyone says that but this is how it is! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this it really sucks and is very fucking painful.
No, just giving signs to your parents will not work. I lost my brother to suicide, he was giving signs that he was not normal. We thought he just needed sometime, but no we were wrong 🙁 we lost him. We lost him with in no time. Yes he was suffering, but why? We never understood. Is this just our mistake? May be 🙁