I recently started school again and I was really worried that I was going to fall back into self harm and that my depression was going to get worse. However, quite the opposite seemed to happen, a few days in I was just so motivated and I was doing all the work they threw at me and extra and I was socialising a lot more and it was great – I felt on top of the world! For the first time in the last few years i felt great and the future was the brightest it had been in a very long time. And then it all stopped. Now I suddenly have no motivation again. Nothing. I’ve also gone back to depressive / suicidal thoughts and have started planning how I’m going to die again and also come very close to relapsing and self harming again. Before this I had suspected that I may have bipolar but the manic episodes have never been this defined or as extreme. Now I am pretty certain of it. And it sucks.
Just thought that it would be cool for me to put this out there I guess. It beats talking only to myself <3