It’s been a while and I still want to die…

I agree with you in that I’m feeling like everything is a waste of time also. Meaningless. The only time I am OK is when I’m about to fall asleep praying that maybe I don’t wake up. My days are exhausting with constant anxiety, depression, meaningless interactions. Thinking about doing it around my birthday too. I’m sorry I can’t offer comfort, all I can say is I understand. I’m sure if the pain becomes unbearable for you, you’ll find the courage to do something. Although, I truly hope your situation changes for the better.
Its weird, but I feel like I see the beauty, potential and greatness in other people. I read all these posts here and think ” It’ll get better for these people. They are wonderful and strong. They are worth so much in this world.” But then I look at myself and put myself down. I guess everyone here probably does that too. We see the greatness in others but tear ourselves into pieces. If it’s any comfort, just know that no matter what, you will die whether by your hand or the universe’s hand. Death will Always be there. Hope you find peace 😉