I’m trying. I really am.
I’m trying to understand you and why you say things that demean me. How is it that with just your words you can take away my power? You tell me I cannot act or behave in a certain way, that I have no right to do so. I have to tell you everything going on in my life because you support me. I have to tell you where I am and what I am doing at all times. I have to let you know how I am doing in school and exactly when things are due and you take it upon yourself to make sure I’m keeping up and getting the grades you know I can get. Because I’m just as smart and able as all those other kids; I can do just as well as them. If anything I’m smarter than them right? Except what if I’m not? What if I don’t do well? You tell me to change how I’m doing things so I will do better. And if I don’t do better then you just hover over me more.
You’re my parent. Growing up I was taught your parents are there to help you grow and create a future for you. If you need something, tell your parents before anyone else because only they can help you. That’s what you told me. So I did tell you what I needed. Well right now what I need is not to worry about the responsibility that comes with having parents. I don’t want the responsibility of having to call in to feed your insecurity because I am the only child left in the house. I should not have to carry those needs. I should be working on my future. I should be studying and focusing and not letting anyone distract me. Yet my parents are my biggest distractions. Because I have to take care of you. I have to make sure you don’t feel insecure about the state of your children. I need to keep checking in so you know you’re being a good parent.
You taught me that with every right comes a responsibility. Yet tonight you told me I don’t have the right to tell you I need space. I don’t have the right to not tell you my marks at my own pace. Why? Because you are the parent and you pay for me. You support me while I go to school. So I am trapped. You use money to threaten me and keep me from leaving. You tell me I have no rights but I still have to bear the responsibility. I want to go but you won’t let me.
Dare I speak out before the community finds out what you’re really like. Dare I break your perfect image that no one else in your profession can touch. Dare I actually show the world who you are. Dare me to do something to break that image.
1 comment
It is because words have energy in them, the energy can be positive or negative. Parents who are controlling in this way are highly fearful of you straying away from their vision/expectations for your life, from their understanding, this is love. What they fail to realize is that you have your own vision for your life that they are denying you. Many parents are this way. It does not mean they are bad people. But they lack the understanding to allow you to learn from your own mistakes and find your own path. It is because they fear what will happen to you if they don’t control your important life decisions. If you can understand why they think this way, you will learn to forgive them because even though they may be making big mistakes as parents, they seem like they are trying their best and this is because they care for you. Please try. One day you will be able to access more personal freedom. God Bless.