so futile…

I feel like it’s a complete waste of time to even apply for jobs and feel even more anxiety, dread and disgust that I got a few calls. The way things are, I won’t be here more than a month because the love of my life only has until Oct 1st to find a place to live and he would run off to a real shit hole of a city that’s one giant ghetto and I’d be left to run off to kill myself. I got him to consider a city I once lived in because the laws work for both of us there but I know fat people absolutely, 100% can not get a job there and the one person I know still living there doesn’t want anyone around and wants to live alone and be a hermit and never see humans again. So that’s not an option even for a short term stop.  I don’t even feel like it’s worth it. Life will never work out. My hours got cut yet again. My other job is ending. It’s not possible to live on a mere $100 a week. I owe the IRS $50 a month and the state $20 a month for the rest of my life because they charge $40 for every month it’s not paid off in full so I’ll only get deeper and deeper in debt to the state. Now the credit cards that were stolen nearly 3 years ago are starting to find me and calling up demanding payment I don’t fucking have. I can’t succeed in this life at all. I’ll end up homeless and then in prison for all the debts if I continued to live anyway. Someone just died here playing Pokemon Go if I wasn’t so fucking fat that my vital organs would be protected from any and all impact I could do the same shit and make it look like an accident even. SIGH!