Do any of you guys read and watch the news and when they report that someone was killed, do you wish to God that it had been you instead? There has been an increase of reports of people being killed by shooters because everytime i turn on my tv, someone else is killed. And all I can think about is why can’t it have been me. Those people that are killed actually want to live and try to run for survival. Me, I would just let it happen. Suicide comes with alot of stigma and people left behind feel confused and broken with no closure. But if you were murdered, family and friends left behind would have more closure and understanding. Just something to think about.;)
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In my case, their lives would be over either way
Well I guess since your situation is a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” you have nothing to lose except the emotional storm in your mind. I have people that would be saddened, but at the end of the day we are the ones alone in our minds trying to fight the demons. Not them. At least you’re here another day. Hope you find peace π
Might i ask, what is your reason for being suicidal?
Started having suicidal thoughts since 13 years old. Started having strong anxiety and depression at 11. Went through some childhood trauma. Fast forward, I’m 29 now. I really tried to keep going and it was OK for a while. Have gone on meds and seen many therapists. I’ve also dealt with other self harming behaviors. I was ready last year to go but made a promise to give it a year. Same old same old. Again, like I said, at the end of the day I am alone in my mind fighting to keep afloat. Not anyone else. Also I actually had a near death experience where my heart gave me problems not suicide related. And immediately after the situation ended and I knew I wasnt gonna die, the first thought in my head was ” I still want to die soon”. We all have our reasons, some trivial, some serious. Hope you find peace;)
When the suicidal thoughts get to the “I wish it was me instead” phase, it’s pretty bad. When I started having the kind of thoughts you do, I knew for sure I’m too far gone. It’s another day and I’m just lying in bed staring at my room and wimndering why anyone outside of it is bothering to do anything. It all feels pointless lately. I feel numb though. It kinda feels nice not to give a fuck.
Yup, I’m in my room too looking out the window. Its finally fall and feels a bit chilly. I hate the cold because it hurts and brings me into an even darker phase. I wish I could tell you things aren’t pointless, but I truly believe that too. But yeah, you made it another day. So thats a victory. I am in limbo right now. Not numb, because I feel pain and anxiety really hard. I know without a doubt that I want to leave. Just not at this moment. Try to watch new funny shows and movies. Something light that won’t resemble or remind you of hurtful things( like don’t watch rom coms if you’re going through a breakup) That’s what I’m doing. I’m watching the beginning of the new Ghostbusters. I hope you find peace π
Thanks hun! TV is always a good distraction. Enjoy your movie! You seem like a sweetheart. I know how hard it can get, but I want you to stick around, whatever it takes. Deep down in my heart, I don’t believe things are pointless either. It’s just hard to get moving and motivation, but I think there is still a reason to be here. Just look at the sky at night. It’s amazing.
I do not mean to intrude, but the night sky really is amazing. Whenever i look at it, i cannot help but wonder if someone like me, someone truly able to understand, is also looking, maybe even thinking what i think. This is when i feel true despair
^ wondering why anyone outside of it is bothering to do anything
^^this^^
I have the same feeling all the time when I see the news, why canβt it of been me, as it would make it easier for though left behind.
I’m not sure if being murdered allows family members to have more closure and understanding. I think I understand what you mean but I know there are some murder cases where the victim will receive blame as well. Strange world we live in.
I don’t think I’d want to be killed by someone else though. I don’t want someone else to control my death but I do understand where you are coming from.
I do a lot of searching on Google News for stories on recent suicides. There are a few particular terms that I enter to see if a particular method was used. If a particular method was used, sometimes I wonder why it couldn’t have been me.
I did my research many years ago and no story will affect my decision one way or the other. But it is still interesting to read stories about those who exited in a way and at a time of their own choosing.
I’m also curious about the longer-term when I read that an attempt was interrupted. Did the person receive help? Did the interruption ultimately make things better or worse? Would that be their only attempt?
While I’m sure the outcomes range from great to horrible, I’m curious how the bulk of people would assess their effectively-given second chance on life.
We are supposed to believe that everyone who survives goes on to live a happy life. The propaganda says so. Obviously that cannot be true, since we can read first-hand accounts from people expressing their anger at having failed and since successful suicides are often preceded by attempts (plus it’s just not logical to assume that everybody would be okay afterward). The media will always skew the story to either leave you believing that the person “got better” or to imply that the person would have gotten better had they survived.
I often read the ‘comments’ section after reading the article. Many times, at least one commenter suggests something like, “Now we’re just prolonging their suffering.” Undoubtedly, there is a percentage of people in which the failed suicide becomes a fresh opportunity. It’s the balance that I worry about. If we rescue somebody, simply because the law requires it or it’s the “right thing to do,” what is the long term prognosis? Money for treatment isn’t going to appear on trees. Once they’re stabilized, they’re often discharged. Discharged to what? I’d suspect that, in many cases, the suffering is even worse because now they ‘failed’ at one more thing.
I would think after a patient is discharged from a suicide attempt, most would do it again. I would anyway. And I’d be super angry that I was helped. When I see on the news that a suicidal person tried to jump off a bridge and some person runs after them to tackle them to the floor, it makes me mad. The person who stopped them is “Hero”. What about the suicidal person? I guess because I feel their pain, I feel like injustice was done to them. Its their life. Noone should stop them if they want to leave. Now the suicidal person has to endure the watchful eyes of the hospital, their family, everyone. I’m sure most people are grateful to be stopped, but I’m sure the ones who aren’t, become even more depressed. And because they are being watched, how can they attempt it again so soon? Their lives are even more damaged thanks to that “Hero”. Sorry for the rant guys, just that I’ve always thought this. Hope you find peace π
you have to be in the wrong place at the right time. death doesn’t pick and choose.
While it’s likely true that most people killed in these situations didn’t want to die, it’s possible that a suicidal person is a victim occasionally. Even in the few cases where a survivor would have known about a person’s suicidal feelings, they would certainly never admit it to the media or the authorities.
God is a sadistic bastard he’ll make you live especially if your life is agony.
I don’t think God is sadistic. I think that God, source or higher being( whatever you want to call it) isn’t interfering with our actions and situations because if source helps 1 , then help must be given to everyone. Noone would have free will. I want to die because life for many years is not how I wanted it to be. But that’s my own fault because we are the creator of our lives. I think the gift that God has given us is that if can’t take this life, then we can leave. He would be sadistic if we could never leave this body and lifetime. So at least he gave us that.
Theres this miniseries called Torchwood: Miracle Day, that illustrates this idea. Something happened and people who should have died from accidents, gunshots, cancer, suicide, and even a guy on the electric chair etc. don’t die. Its pretty cool to see how death is necessary for our world. And so the main characters spend the series trying to find out why this has suddenly happened and to fix it. Its a good standalone miniseries that is sort of a reunion of characters from the actual Torchwood tv show. Hope you find peace π
I’ve been secretly wishing for death since my teens. Many times I almost died and each time I thought, “fuck, I’m still alive.”
One day, perhaps soon, I’ll find death by less then natural means.
I understand exactly what you mean. I was reading the news today about all the people dying in car accidents. All it done was make me insanely jealous. It’s a good way to like you say people will get over it better than knowing you killed yourself. Theres nothing they could have possibly done. It also makes me wonder how many people have killed themselves intentionally like this so it looked like an accident. I’m just scared that if I crash my car into a tree I will survive and be disabled.
Meh I think I have found my way out of this life.
“It should have been me” is one of my constant mantras now. One of my dearest coworkers, an older woman, just lost her 4-year-old great-nephew to a disease. Should have had his whole life ahead of him; instead, she’s back in her home state on bereavement, devastated.
Why couldn’t it have been me?
You mention this crops up for you when you see victims of shootings, and yeah: it seems most or all of them were still valuing life, still with dreams and goals and plans and families. They likely wanted life more than I ever did. Hell, I feel guilty that life was unfair to them, like their unfortunate end was somehow my fault.
I would happily trade my life for any of them to actually get another chance. I don’t want this anymore.
You explained how I feel perfectly. Well you never know, maybe something will happen to you. And don’t ever think that it’s somehow your fault someone else died. Each person is the creator of their life. The only comfort I can give you and myself is that death will Always be there. You will die whether by your hand or the universe’s hand. Just not at this particular moment. Hope you find peace π