Do they even know how bad it hurts when they say I’m “slow” for not being able to catch on fast enough? I just want to be employed, so that maybe one day I can live well too. I just want a chance, I’m not asking for anything more. I guess I’m just too slow, too dumb. God that hurts…it really does. I thought I was kinda smart. I thought I was nice and approachable. I thought I really had a chance. But no…I’m too slow. Too stupid. I can hear it ringing in my ears as I lay down to sleep. Do they have any idea how long their words can echo in my head? Did they stop to think that I could be hurt really easily by what they say? I have struggled all my life, from a list of mental illness and learning disabilities and multiple adolescent traumas. I have endured all of it, just in the hopes that someday I would be able to tell my dad how much I love my life. That all he did for me wasn’t in vain. That every ounce of effort he put in meant something. And in the end, I AM FUCKING WORTHLESS!!!!!! Thank you to all the people who kicked me when I was down. I’m still here by the way, still lying here in shock that I could be so used and thrown so quickly aside like some fucking cigarette butt. You only needed me for a short while, now you will move on to find a another to serve you a quick purpose. I can already feel the crimson river flowing down my wrist, and I haven’t even picked up the steel yet. At least I’ll find comfort in knowing that when I’m finally done getting beaten and forgotten, that I can just end my life and be done with it. I will unashamedly burrow a bullet into my skull and rid my soul of this physical realm. Hopefully Dan is there to meet me on the other side. I miss you buddy, I wish you wouldn’t have put brass into your own brain. But I’ll join you eventually. Just give me some more time to watch this world burn a bit longer.
1 comment
I exactly know what you mean. I’m born blind so in some cases also slower than others. I can read quite fast with a braille display, but scanning a text is impossible for me i have to fully read it to kow what it is about. So sometimes i’m slower than others. I’m also rejeccted for a job for that reason once. I knwo it hurts. But it doens’t say annything about your smartness, it’s just they are heartless and impatinet. Try to hold on, you will find a job in which you are apreciated.