I can’t keep pretending and bottling this emotional nightmare inside. I have been feeling so low and so unhappy, my mask is see through and everyone around me knows it.. I am a mess.. I am a broken girl and an awful human being. I seem to be living in this awful nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I am a total and complete failure. As I write this post.. it seems to soothe what the cutting hasn’t. I want to cut and I just can’t now.. I am sitting in my friends dorm room.. writing this post.. being the decent person that I can be.. I never seem to be good at lying and pretending I am okay.. I am hurting so much.. its 5 am and I am slowly giving up on what little hope, strength and courage there really is left inside of me. I can’t be here, I only weigh people down. I can’t even begin to express the sorrows and burdens I carry every day inside this bottle. the bottle of emotions breaks open every now and then.. I crack and can’t help it.. I seem to be this numb human being on the outside but the most hurt person on the inside. I can’t be doing this anymore. I am so exhausted, I KNOW my reasons to be here and to get through this but I also know the reasons that are eating me alive. I can’t be doing this anymore, I am pulling an all nighter but I am so tired..