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by mylifeisamess


What is perfect to me?

   I always thought that being a perfect person was to one, just be skinny. That was the main point, to be skinny. Everyone loves skinny girls, right? No one loves fat, but apparently that’s all I have. That’s my blanket around my bones.

I look at my reflection every single day and just examined myself, and my flaws. I stare at how my hips are wide and how fat covers every inch, also on how my shoulders are wide and broad. I look at my small breast and my fat thighs. I look at my scars that are painted across my arms and thighs.

When I do look at myself in the mirror and I wonder,”Why do I have to be me?” Sometimes I just walk past girls and I envy them for being so beautiful so perfectI wish I could be like them, I love how much confidence they have as they walk or how beautiful they look at all times. Everyone looks so beautiful in my eyes, but when I look in the mirror I cry.

    Today I cried, I cried for being so ugly! For being so imperfect I hate being myself. I hate waking up to another day of torture. I hate going to school and I hate all the people there. It’s so hard to on how everyone has someone. Then there’s me the girl who is never going to be good enough for anyone. She’s just too ugly for my own good.

Im just the girl that everyone hates.

But don’t worry I hate myself too.


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whisper 10/6/2016 - 2:36 am

As a man who has dated many, many beautiful women in his life, I can tell you for a fact that most if not all those women you think are beautiful and envy, are complete losers. They become so full of themselves that they grow bitter and angry that the world doesn’t kiss their a** and that life didn’t turn out for them as perfect as they were sure it should. Most will develop serious anger issues that few men will put up with.

Eventually I learned to stop dating beautiful women, they just don’t have a beautiful personality to match. On the other hand, I have met many women who are not perfect, who have flaws on the outside, but the most beautiful personalities on the inside. They are the best women on the planet…and many of us men, once we get past the shallowness of our younger days, recognize that.

I was a handsome man for most of my life and I learned to run and run fast when the beautiful woman would hit on me. NO THANKS! I already know the beautiful apple has a worm at the core!

If you just stay patient and work on being a good person that you yourself would like…eventually you will meet someone who will appreciate you more than you can imagine! PROMISE! 🙂

day2day 10/6/2016 - 3:49 am

Don’t take this the wrong way but fat is probably the easiest problem to fix-I mean compared to something like being born ugly or legit stupid.

You only need to do 3 things, 1-eat healthy, cut out the junkfood, 2-exercise like a mad dog, 3-be disciplined. Stick to the plan and within 6 mths to a year, you will become fit or see a huge difference. Now of course some people get fat from depression or other psychological or life issues. In which case you’d need to handle that also.

As Whisper said beautiful girls are far from perfect. I just dealt with one a short while ago-I noticed the hotter they are, the worse the personality (some of them). She was cool with me in the beginning but I think she got bored/maybe I wasn’t feeding her ego enough or something, then she became a ***** towards me.

I have no time for egocentric sociopaths, looking for someone who’s more like myself personality-wise. So the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ applies here. Just work on being a better you and then guys will be interested.

I was a skinny kid once and life wasn’t too great then. But then I got really fit and my dating life had picked up a lot after…but I had to work for it, like most of us. Few are born ‘perfect.’

nepheliad 10/6/2016 - 4:22 am

I’m not going to let these commenters here get away with being misogynistic, so let me point out that most really good-looking guys are also jerks with sociopathic traits – and even when they grow older and less attractive, guess what? They keep being callous and self-centered. So yeah, the whole attitude where people think they irrationally deserve special treatment and act like dicks, that applies to both genders. It doesn’t *only* apply to super “attractive” or “fit” people either.

That’s just called lacking empathy, and honestly, if someone has problems in EVERY relationship… uhm… maybe they should work on their empathy skills and try to be considerate, instead of just finding p.artners who will be obsequious doormats because they think they have to act that way since they don’t look like supermodels.

If someone can’t keep a woman and has to go through multiple relationships or flings since they all become “bitches,” look at your own behavior. What did *you* do wrong in these involvements? (Yeah… no one can claim to be a saint.)

@OP: I’m not sure if there is anyone out there who is honestly deserving for one to “fall in love” with, everyone is so selfish nowadays, but don’t worry so much about your appearance. If you are worried, try to work out and stay healthy. This may help you boost your confidence.
You’ll gravitate towards folks who will find you attractive and want to date you. Just be sure not to let anyone use you if they’re not serious.

thehusk 10/6/2016 - 7:22 am

Image matters a lot when you’re young. But everybody ages. Even the most perfect looking will one day be hideous.

If you can find a way to be happy with what you’ve been given, then maybe you’ll meet another imperfect person who appreciates you for who you are.

whisper 10/6/2016 - 4:54 pm

I’d say you have two points of view to consider. One from exactly the kind of woman a couple of us described, probably cute, bitter, and very likely to go from one bad relationship to another. Relationships she herself probably ruins due to her misguided beliefs. Brainwashed by the feminists into believing that all men are misogynistic…unless they kiss her a**, which makes them the idiots she has also been taught to believe they are. She has tunnel vision. Taught to see men only one way and now incapable of seeing or thinking outside the box she has been taught to live in. A narcissist who in old age will be angry, bitter and alone unless she finds one to do as she tells them.

The other point of view, from a couple of guys who are telling you that those so-called beautiful women, usually have the worst personalities. Often narcissistic bitter feminists with anger issues.

Certainly there are some beautiful women who are also beautiful on the inside, I dated a few in younger days, but I find as the beautiful women get older, the single ones at least, are now bitter and angry. And that is not the type of personality, in a man or a woman, that anyone will stay with.

I will also add, I have never treated women as door mats, just the opposite, I treat them as a gentleman should, smother them with kindness, sensitivity and let them know they are appreciated. The beautiful ones almost always take that for granted and as a sign of weakness. They tend to think they are so awesome that all they have to do is drop their clothes and their part in a relationship is done, and the man should be sooo grateful that he then does all they want him to to make the kind of relationship she wants. Its all about her. That’s when i assure them that just over 3 1/2 billion other beings on this planet have the same equipment as they do and that it will take more than sex to make a nice relationship. Most, are clueless.

I will say again, as the other guy also said, we learn to look for the women with the best personalities, and that will rarely be the beautiful ones. In fact, if I date someone and I don’t see flaws in the looks, they don’t get a second date.

Oh and, the narcissist would have you believe that men who date a lot treat women like crap, and only look for women who will kiss their butts. Again, she has tunnel vision and only sees men the way the feminists have taught her to. My last wife was a nut and I stayed for 10 years. One of her many nutty beliefs was that she is a real ‘alien’ so she went to Roswell looking for her mother ship. Men don’t stay with nut jobs, women don’t either. Contrary to the narcissists comments, men move from one relationship to another for reasons other than her supposed misogyny. Some women, just as some men, are not the type to make a great relationship with and we learn to separate the good from the bad, no matter how beautiful or handsome.

nepheliad 10/6/2016 - 5:45 pm

You make a lot of incorrect assumptions… but that’s not surprising from a guy who seems to see people as collectives, not as individuals with complicated histories and back stories. (Not everyone was “brainwashed” living around folks who are “too nice” and too “politically correct,” many people have dealt with abuse and that is what leads to their “anger issues.”)

In the end, I think that we attract “what we are” in other people. Even a one-time date or whatever, you’ll find someone who reflects some of your own qualities in a way, or mirrors some of your beliefs and opinions at that point in time.

whisper 10/6/2016 - 8:38 pm

It is clearly you who is making wrong assumptions and seeing people, men, as ‘collectives’ (an incorrect term by the way). You apparently see any criticism by a man, of a woman, any woman, as ‘misogynistic’. As if every woman in the world is a saint simply because of what she has in her pants. That is simple feminist brainwashing 101.

The world has plenty of lousy women, and men, and the point we were making to a girl who feels down because she doesn’t consider herself gorgeous is that for the most, beautiful women are not beautiful on the inside. Its a fact. And I have dated enough of them to know this. Make more assumptions if you choose but you don’t know me well enough to know what you are talking about.

Perhaps if you set your mind free of you preconceived notions? You should also stop with the victimology. Not everyone with anger issues was abused, in fact, more often than not, male or female, if they have anger issues to start with, they are much more likely to suffer different types of abuse in life. That is also a fact. Many anger issues in beautiful women stem from being spoiled and expecting everyone to worship them. I’ve seen it hundreds of times in ‘beautiful’ women I have personally known, and not just in the one’s I dated. Its an epidemic in the US.

You must be young because you sure sound naive. Give me a less than beautiful woman any day of the week, because I know the odds are much better that I will find a wonderful personality.

By the way…a misogynist hates women, all women, and no one here said anything like that. You should learn what words mean before you use them.

nepheliad 10/6/2016 - 9:06 pm

OK. So (almost) all highly physically attractive people (of either gender) are narcissistic jerks who lack empathy and consideration for others, and it’s better to be born not looking like a supermodel (whether female or male), and the attractive people should just be left alone and disliked from afar. I get your point.

Let it be noted that no one has any control over their genetics or to which family they were born or what environment they grew up in.

whisper 10/7/2016 - 12:16 am

You don’t get my point at all. Perhaps you should stop making everything into some negative extreme that doesn’t exist? Most highly attractive people, most, but not all, are narcissistic in dating relationships. No one said anything about empathy or consideration for others. You are taking things to extremes that no one has suggested. Just as you first did with your misogynist comment, lumping all men who criticize women into an unrealistic category. So I guess the opposite is also true? All women who criticize men are man haters and losers?

You are only proving one of my points. To you, all men who criticize women are misogynist’s, but you, being the superior narcissist you seem, find it perfectly okay and justified to hate men. That’s okay in your world, but not the equal and opposite side of that? And again, no one here said anything about hating women. You have decided that, based on nothing, due to what? Your own bitterness or abuse?

Everything that has been mentioned, you take to some negative extreme. I’ve known women like hat too, and I feel sorry for them. Doomed to be angry and bitter because of their distorted view of the world, including both men and women.

And you again do the victim thing. You’re right, no one controls the family they were born into or the environment they grew up in, but everyone, except those with mental or perhaps physical disabilities, controls, for the most part, what they will do starting from the next minute.

I’ve talked with plenty of people whose family’s are a mess and who have been abused. Just helped a 12 year old turn in her sick step dad. I realize there is more abuse out there than most people are aware of. But that is not a reason to see all men (or women) as losers, it’s also not an excuse for becoming bitter and angry. In fact many abused people go on to create relationships exactly opposite to what they had themselves, because they know better than many people ‘what not to do’. They often make lives filled will love, gentleness and making a great home for their children. Its all up to each individual what kind of person they will become and the kind of future they will have. Within reason of course, not every one can be a rich super model with the perfect life, that’s a fairy tale for 98% of the planet…and the reason many beautiful women become bitter when it doesn’t happen for them.

So if you’re saying its okay to be an angry and bitter person because of your upbringing, you couldn’t be more wrong. Seeing oneself as always a victim, is often an excuse to do nothing to improve ones self, or life, or relationship. And if you have a bad relationship, or if I do, it isn’t because all men or women are rotten. Its because WE made a poor choice in who we chose to date. Blaming others for our problems, doesn’t solve anything.

The point of this whole conversation, before you brought in your negative extremes, was that often we men know (know) that beautiful women are not the ones to make a nice relationship with. Sorry but that is just the facts. Are there exceptions, sure. But it takes dating a lot of beautiful women to find the few good ones. The odds are so much better that a less attractive girl will have a great personality…again, that’s the facts whether you or I like it or not, its reality.

I know you won’t understand this but beautiful women grow up in a different world than the rest of the planet. Give that some thought. I’ve dated women who were hit on 5 times a day, everyday, every place they went, starting from age 14ish. Over time that kind of attention changes most personalities, and not for the better.

With attractive men the problems are a little different, not better, just different. But that wasn’t what this conversation was about and I don’t want to write a novel trying to explain things to you that I’m sure you don’t wish to understand.

Create more negative extremes from my words if that feeds you ego, but it would be much better to have a conversation in which the things said are examined, without the knee jerk reactions to a word or phrase you don’t like. I look at the reality of something, whether I like what I find or not. I would rather know the facts, even if they go against what I would like to believe. We’d all like to believe that the most attractive people, men and women, are the sweetest, kindest and most loving people on the planet. But almost anyone with a little experience with dating will tell you, that isn’t realistic.

nepheliad 10/7/2016 - 1:39 am

I was being sarcastic.

Your truth is your truth, and I respect that.

I don’t hate anyone, I believe in equal rights for all.

No, I didn’t say that “all men who criticize women are misogynists,” but it was the way that the first two comments just wanted to blame the women for the problems. Have I blamed all the problems in my relationships on the other person? Hell no. I’m self aware enough to realize when I personally make mistakes, and from that realization I strive to become a better person and not make those mistakes again. (Even if it takes a few times that I screw up before it sinks in for me.)

It’s best to keep in mind that the common denominator in all of one’s interactions with other people is *oneself*. I truly believe too that we attract others who are similar to us in some way, even if it doesn’t seem immediately apparent. This has been the case for me every single time I meet somebody new (including in a platonic sense). If someone you like seems high maintenance, then chances are you yourself are also high maintenence and have certain expectations and standards that others might not want to follow along with.
(If you can see off the bat that you’re ultimately incompatible with the other person, then there’s no need going down that path anyway.)

That said, I am aware that some people can constantly cause issues that seem unjustified, even if one thinks one has been behaving as well as they could when around them. Yeah, maybe they’ll end up bitter and alone… or they could start to think about their behavior and change for the better.

This is why I keep talking about “empathy.” Even if a person is somewhat narcissistic about their appearance, if they genuinely have empathy and consideration for other people they won’t let their “beauty” detract from how they treat others.

…and since many people aren’t very considerate, no matter how attractive they are (including myself, I could improve there), that’s why we celebrate a culture of selfishness in North America (and the U.K. and Australia seem essentially the same). So yeah, it can be hard to “find someone to love” unless you’re willing to accept that almost everyone puts themselves first, and may not care about adequately maintaining a relationship with another person. Don’t say I’m generalizing here, because I don’t *want* to, I’m just stating what I’ve observed. There are definitely exceptions, but it’s probably best not to expect too much from the get-go. *shrug*

To be clear, I am most certainly not talking about extravagant stuff like buying costly gifts or taking your significant other to Bali or something like that. I mean simple things like thinking about your romantic p.artner’s feelings and trying to sort out situations so that both parties benefit.

whisper 10/7/2016 - 3:44 pm

Okay, I’d agree with most of that, at least that is the world as I’m sure it appears to most people. But the truth is that for every personality you can imagine, there is someone out there who fits it. If I told you my life story you wouldn’t believe or understand it, only because you have never heard a story like that. Nothing weird or creepy, it was all related in one way or another to ‘love’, and I actually think much of what I did or experienced is normal for many people, but I have never heard anyone else mention those things so most people are clueless even if those things are a part of themselves.

You say people are drawn to others who are similar, nope, not in my case. I have dated or married women from all walks of life and the last one I married was a Russian, who I had absolutely nothing in common with. She knew that from the beginning, but lied and kept that secret. It took me 10 years to see that because I was always giving her the benefit of the doubt and looking for only the good things in her. (No, I didn’t bring her from Russia, she lived 5 miles from me before I met her).

You also say that people tend to only think about themselves, well, not me, and that has been a fault of mine all my life. In a relationship I let down my guard, let them in, and do all I can to treat them in a loving way. But I find most women, especially the ‘beautiful’ ones, always, always, take advantage of that. The truth is that most people do not know how to love. they have a fairy-tale image of what it should be, they see someone they are attracted to, they date and hope the fairy-tale comes true. Thus many of the angry and bitter cute ones (when they get older and find the fairy-tale didn’t turn out as planned).

Well dah, a fairy-tale is something that doesn’t exist in the first place. And any good relationship takes 2 people who want to put in the effort to create it, it does not magically appear. Some people manage to get to a place where they are comfortable and the relationship lasts and has enough love to keep them together, but many people become disillusioned because they expected things to work out perfect with little or no effort. Again, all this is especially true the cuter they are.

Part of actually loving someone is to put them equal or ahead of oneself, instead of, as you said, placing ourselves and what we want first. I have yet to meet a beautiful woman who does that, though I have met many not so beautiful ones who that comes naturally for.

So again, for the girl who wrote this ad, she probably has a better personality, and is more capable of a genuine love, that most of those beautiful women she sees, because those types are much more likely to be, as you said, out for themselves first.

Its a matter of “odds”. I’m sure not all beautiful women are as selfish as most are…just as I’m sure not all less than gorgeous women have a heart of gold. But he odds are much better of finding a heart of gold with someone who isn’t perfect looking…and many of us men learn that the hard way.

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