For Jennifer,
As “good” as I am sure that you are, I can’t help but think that you are not. I know that what you wish to tell me in response to my inquire as to your mental health is completely up to you, but realistically I am just as concerned now as I was when you were confined to the little room inside the hospital. I am well aware of the conditions, and can only guess as to other horrors you had to endure while you were there, but remember that I was once in that room as well. I can understand your pain, and can also relate to your traumatization. I have never quite left that place to be honest with you. Once you walk through the doors (considering you haven’t been been wheeled in from loss of blood or too many pills) you never really come back out. Not as your previous self at least…
The time it takes to let me in is nothing compared to the years of torment that you will inevitably be faced with. For so long I have lived without reason, without purpose or use. I have never been anything more to people than a crutch to use until the wounds have healed. I reluctantly accept this job, hoping that in the end…it will be enough for whatever god I meet to let me be in peace. But when I’m thrown away again, after all the comfort and helpful words have been drained from me, the least I could get in return is some company. Jennifer please…all I ask is that you remain in my life. You would be the first to do this, and though that seems too heavy a burden to bear, I can assure you that it’s nothing compared to what I have done for you. It would just be nice to have a friend, and keep that friend…instead of watching them gain all their wishes and meet all their goals…leaving me behind as if I am a toy that they have grown out of wanting to play with. It would be nice if for once in my life I didn’t have to sit and dwell on all of my favorite memories, and instead go and create new ones to enjoy with someone I can call my “friend”. If it’s too much to ask, then why don’t you at least say it, instead of letting me wonder why you’re gone. If I am destined to be used and disposed of like this for the rest of my life, than I would at least like to know that so I can get this over with. I’m so tired…I don’t enjoy anything anymore…I’m not even motivated to get out of bed when the clock nears 12 in the afternoon. I am so despised by the people around me, and it hurts even worse that all these people are my family. You…Jennifer…were my last friend. If a gun were to appear in my lap right now, I would take my own life without hesitation. I am done. I just need a way out.
Your’s truly,
…