Its Diwali. I am all dolled up. M looking beautiful. I am lying on bed in my room which is locked that what if I sleep looking beautiful and never wake up. How will my parents n brother know? How will they get inside the room? Who will they call and tell? I want to sleep n never wake up but I can’t even imagine my parents sorrow. My dad can survive anything. He may survive it. But my mom, she can’t. My brother can’t. My boyfriend can survive too. Although I kno everybody is replaceble, but I won’t be replaceable for my family. It will ruin their lives. I can’t take this responsibility so I can’t die today.
l can only imagine what it is going to be, how it it going to be, who will care and who won’t. Other than people who are very close nobody will even remember me for anything.
I had depression and anxiety. The doctor called it stress disorder. I don’t know. It felt worse than what he said. It’s gone now. I live my life normally now but the dark shadow keeps coming back making me sink in it. Idk how long can I go and convince myself to live. Someday this patience this rationality is going to end. I don’t kno what I will be guilty of then. Whoz life will I destroy then.
This is bad but I can’t tell anybody. Nobody understands it. Even if somebody tries I feel foolish for sharing.
I know this is the right place to share
8 comments
Your family will, I’m sure, be devastated. All of them. Will your parents and family be supportive? If so, I really think telling them how you are feeling is the best way to go. You need support. If not…you need to find someone in your life that can and will speak up for you. Teachers? The psychologist? Counselor? Friend? I wish you well…keep fighting! 🙂
Nobody understands dude. They say it’s normal and happens with everybody. Plus I already tried, psychiatric medicines didn’t help only made it worse. N I don’t want people to see it as excuses and I Dnt want a stressed family. I happy most days. This only happens on somedays.
Forevertorn is right. Only you know the intensity of your depression. And yeah, everyone gets depressed sometimes. But if it’s beginning to take over your life.or you’re contemplating suicide, those are red flags to me.
Why do you want to die ? You are mentioning why you shouldn’t kill yourself. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking ? What is the thing making you feel so under the ground and willing to end it all. Well, friend Depression comes back .. there isn’t an end but a way to lessen it and doctors are not of much help when it comes down to measuring the intensity of your sadness. It’s for you to decide.
Peacexx
I am 22. Things seem ok for a while, I feel normal. But on somedays it feels pointless. I can’t really connect to 90% things and people. N wen I consulted doc I told everyone. Everybody feels that’s its common feeling sad and I don’t need a doc. It’s pointless telling them and stressing them plus psychiatric medicines made my mental n physical health even worse. I can go on now but wid medicine its worst.
I am 22. Things seem ok for a while, I feel normal. But on somedays it feels pointless. I can’t really connect to 90% things and people. N wen I consulted doc I told everyone. Everybody feels that’s its common feeling sad and I don’t need a doc. It’s pointless telling them and stressing them plus psychiatric medicines made my mental n physical health even worse. I can go on abhi but wid medicine its worst.
Lostcase, Happy Diwali :). You are a beautiful doll to your family. Don’t make them sad. I lost my brother to suicide. I know the pain what suicide would do to a loving family. He was looking so innocent and handsome on the day he died.
BTW, do you live in India?