He’s the only person who would actually want to listen. Nobody cares. But my feelings get invalidated by him because they cause him to have a panic attack, and I don’t want to hurt him by bringing it up, which makes me feel like more shit. I know it’s not his fault it’s just I… I never get to talk about myself to anyone causing everything to always be internalized so I end up telling myself to kill myself at least every hour. I plan on killing myself everyday. I know how, I just never do; I lack motivation…
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I just got out of a relationship with a girl. We had the same problem.
And if you lack motivation that’s usually a part of your brain letting you know that it needs more thought. You’re unsure about what you want. Meaning there’s a part of you that’s trying to see the long term and you’re experiencing a chemical change in your brain that’s making it difficult. Consider changing that chemical process by exercise, getting 15 minutes outside in the sun per day (minimum) and eating healthy. Those little things changes your brain chemistry and allows that thought process to work.