I’ve been diagnosed with manic depression, commonly known as bipolar disorder. I just got out of my depressive state after more than 2 weeks of being there (thank goodness). I’m afraid of what will come next. The unknown? The empty feeling. The feeling you get when you’re not even sad, you’re just emotionless. During this time, I do most of the stupid things like doing self-harm and attempting suicide. I attempted a few weeks ago. I drank all of my medications. It didn’t work tho, I just got sick.
I don’t know what else to do. I’m in college and the academic workload is killing me. I know my parents are here to support me but I know that they’re also struggling financially to send me (and my three other siblings) to school, and to pay for my medications. Furthermore, my parents aren’t exactly living under the same roof. I live with my dad but I stay near my uni on weekdays for my classes. So I’m actually alone most of the times.
All these triggers are coming at me all at once and I’m so close to letting go. I don’t want to let go, but I don’t think I can still hold on either.