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I don’t know whats wrong with me.

by lulu1999

A lot of the reason I don’t get along with my parents I think is just the generation gap.  We were raised in very different times therefore we have different views and opinions on just about everything.  And some of the problems are because they are stubborn and up-tight, but I just had the realization that most of it is my fault.  I am a generally nice person.  I go out of my way to do things for others, i sacrifice for my friends and family, but when it comes to my parents, I feel I am a totally different person.  Almost every interaction I have with my parents, I am mean and nasty and give them attitude.  I don’t realize I am doing it until it is already done.  I really don’t want to be this way anymore.  I have tried to change, but it always only lasts like a day.  I don’t know what comes over me, any time they are around me I get irritated and unhappy.  It is more my mom than my dad.  Most girls i know are so close with their mothers.  They share their wisdom and experiences and love to be around each other.  I know this is terrible to say, but I genuinely do not like my mom.  I love her, she is my family, but I do not like her.  I WANT to like her, and get along, but i just don’t know whats wrong with me.  I honestly don’t even really have concrete reasons to dislike her.  Why do I feel this way???? I’m trying so hard but it just never works.  Having a close relationship with my parents is so important to me yet I can’t accomplish it.  Just tonight, I was sitting in my basement watching tv and my mom came down and I just didn’t want to be there anymore (What the fuck is wrong with me? She just came down to watch tv with me and spend time with me???) I immediately packed my things up and started to go upstairs and she asked why I was leaving.  I told her i just wanted to be alone.  She got so upset and took her stuff and stormed upstairs.  The SECOND she went upstairs immediately regretted what I had just done and actually did want to spend time with her.  Its like my instinct is to push her away even though i do want to be around her.  I don’t understand myself.  I also let small things dictate my mood for the rest of the day and sometimes days after.  I got so upset with myself afterwards that had somewhat of a breakdown (I do have other stuff going on and this event tonight just sort of threw me over the edge) and angrily cut my hair (granted it came out pretty) but I feel like I can’t cope with things.

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MzViVi 11/30/2016 - 1:05 am

Thank you for your post. You sound like my daughter and the way she acts towards me. We were once close. She was my angel, my purpose, my mini me, and then one day she became a stranger who hates me. She has wished for my death, she has wished she was never my child, she screams hate words at me, lies to me, insults me, antagonizes fights, breaks rules and so much more. The things she is doing, saying and how she is treating herself and me is killing me. She has almost broken my heart and spirit to the point of making me want to kill myself in hopes of making her happy, with hopes of knowing my angel will smile once again, with hopes of knowing the last thing I could do in life was make her wishes come true. I’ve been feeling so lost, hurt and empty. I thought I was the only mom enduring this much hurt, pain and confusion. I guess my point is this, thank you. I know I’m not alone. I see and hope maybe she too doesn’t know why she is treating me this way and maybe does want a relationship. It gives me hope , that maybe it’ll pass. I love her with my entire heart, soul and life. I would give my life for my daughter.

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