I hate the holidays!

November 27th, 2016by Vic03

I have been lurking in the shadows for a while. Have been reading and getting a feel for the site before making my first post. I am an attempt survivor and have regretted that success escaped me on many occasions! I have struggled with depression all of my life. Finally at 40, I was able to find a taste of happiness with an old flame. Everything was good for about a year of dating, so I decided to take the plunge and ask for her hand.

We were engaged after Thanksgiving of 2010, married in 11. Everything went south in early 12. Her daughter/ex did everything in their power to make our lives hell. She was having a very hard time with all that was going on. She would cry almost every night. I would hold and comfort her as best I could. During this time, she turned away from me in a lot of ways. It took a heavy toll on me and at some point, I started to break. I held on for 2 more years, but it just wasn’t getting any better. I always came in last place in her life. There is a lot more to the story, but you get the idea. In 14 I moved out (on her request) and we were divorced 2 months before our 4 year anniversary.

I have been struggling to cope with the enormous sense of loss. Even though I know it was a bad situation, I can’t help myself. I have tried counseling with little success. I find the pain unbearable during this time of year! I am a very quiet and reserved person, so meeting new people is extremely difficult for me. I fear that I am doomed to be alone. I had come to accept this before, but after the failed marriage, I am in a dark place. I think of ending my life again on almost a daily basis. I ¬†go to work, pay the bills, don’t drink/use drugs, but still can’t seem to find happiness in life.

I think I have rambled enough for a first post. Thanks for taking the time to read…


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