Is it normal to think about your funeral? I find myself curious about it all the time. If I were to take myself, who would come to it? Who would cry? Who would notice.. it’s almost surreal. If I knew I could watch it at a distance I’d do it tomorrow, but that thought of the unknown is such a drag
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tbh I think it’s quite common, probably even a bit amongst non-depressed/suicidal people
it touches on some fairly basic existential subjects
personally I even dreamed about my own funeral several times, and because of the way I dream,
it’s like watching a movie of my own funeral, with all the god and bad the particular service might be during that night’s “movie”
What do you feel when you think about it, are you satisfied with your result? any regrets, changes you would like to make, so your funeral would be different and more to your liking?
I can’t really say.. I just wonder if people outside my family would notice at this point. Like I wonder if the people I graduated with not a year earlier would even come home for it. Or if the ex-girlfriend-I-still-fawn-over would be sad. I mean, I know my family would be hurt by it, but only because of moral obligation. Because they’re angry at my selfishness or something like that. Idk.. I just find it curious. My birthday is on Monday and I wonder, will I see the next one. Do I want to? The longer I wait, how many more people forget me? It’s curious indeed.. I know I won’t kill myself any time soon. I promised myself I’d see japan first and maybe make love or something cliche. Idk.. it’s a curious topic.
Indeed, Life and death, and how one goes about it and the end is probably the most curious topic there will ever be
From personal experience I can say it can be quite surprising who and how many it turns out we manage to touch just enough
When I was 20, I randomly met an old friend on the streets that I hadn’t seen in almost 3 years.
Her first act was to cry and hug me around my neck, not because it had been a long time or she had missed me, but because 2 weeks before I had been in a fire, and slowly word had spread to her, and she thought she had “lost” me, despite us not having any contact for years.
Sometimes even those you think or feel don’t care, or those you think forgotten, still holds you in their heart.
And it might not even take much effort to rekindle something you thought wasn’t even there.
In the end it comes down to how much you want, and how much you want it. If you want to and can bear to reach out.
It might be worth finding out before the end, unless you are satisfied how it is, because you wont find out after the end
(unless you do that whole fake death thingy and actually watch your own funeral live) 😉
I suppose I’m neither clever or brutal enough to pull it off. Sigh.. that would be one for the record books though, huh? See, I cling to a couple of things because they let me easily talk myself out of anything I would otherwise be committed to. So, for now, I fall back on studying a semester in Japan. It’s weird for me to feel alone cause I’ve always been a loner, but I think that has something to do with these odd thoughts of wishing to see my funeral. It’s such a drag to build relationships, but it’s equally as bad to sit here alone. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. And if you meant rekindling something between my ex-girlfriend-I-still-fawn-over, I’m afraid the ship has sailed. Much to my displeasure ;P. Oh well, life goes on for better or for the inevitable worse. Thanks for giving me your time today, stranger.