Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen.
How do you do? I’ve read many suicide notes and just registered an account to publish my own suicide note. Where do I start from? I guess from the beginning, eh. Well, I turned 22 this year on the November the 6th. Been severely depressed since 2. I had severe trauma and most likely resulted in brain damage which my parents aren’t telling me about. I have an intermediate stutter and I noticed I have a learning disability and throughout colleges and schools. I’ve been severely bullied on and off basis to the point I had to use deadly force and also been suffering from severe clinical depression for a long fucking time to the point of trying many suicide methods since age 12 and was also fascinated with death, spirituality and then to psychedelic drugs. From that, I wasted 10 years of my life on stupid spirituality and new age bullshit that I thought was real but it isn’t was about to kill myself because 10 years is a long fucking time. Also, been banned from the UK from my very dangerous online criminal activity and have been sabotage (stabbed in the back) by my girlfriend. Well, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep a roof over your head and have food on the table (God, I wanted to use that overused phrase for years). I’m originally from Lithuania. My bro helped me to move to San Francisco to study again in which case was Community College with no education background and he expects me to fly through it. Sure, I have received:
Intro Philosophy Ethics: D
Prealgebra: D -> Retook it on the summer: A+
English 102: Pass
Into Geography: A+
When I first failed my math class, my bro got so fucking angry sure he had to pay $1500 for a class (out of state tuition). That’s when I was contemplating my real suicide.
English 1A: W (Withdrawn) – My teach was a real fucking ass hole, sure I plagiarized 1 fucking sentence decides I’m worthless and drops me. Fuck YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. From A to W and it was almost over.
Math 65: C (Most likely D now) I am seriously fucking up on this class.
Business Law: A
Intro Communications: A
Studying to get undergrad bachelor’s degree.
Thanks to Motivational videos that kept me truly going and study of science but it doesn’t matter anymore.
Other class doesn’t really matter, it’s just the math part. So, if I fail this math 65 class I’m getting deported and back to Lithuania nothing is waiting for me, most likely will end up on the streets for all I know. Sure, I can raise up in fucked up Economy (without education) and fly to Netherlands to go to free tuition College or join the life of crime and prison to survive but to avoid many people getting hurt I decided to end my life somewhere in this December 2016 by using carbon monoxide x2 and maybe plenty of candles in a sealed toilet or
San Fransico Bridge (Small survival percentage) or highest building and jump from the top. When there is a will there is a way. Or maybe I will do it right on the Happy New years. I will also be celebrating in my fucking toilet! Celebrating how I’m going to die at that moment! FUCK YES !!!!
Well, FUCK! This was supposed to be my suicide letter but fucking hell, I have nothing to write. Except I love my mom very much and my bro too, a little bit. Sure, I know he pushes me but there are certain limits when you push somebody and not giving any fucking support = you break down. And I already had a dozen of mental breakdowns and traumas. I’m fucking done.
This youtube video describes clinical depression perfectly!
Also since the age of 2 I’ve been on fucking medications and some of them fucked me up permanently to the age of 10. I stopped using those shits!
This one is great too!
Oh, I also had very abusive parents but who doesn’t nowadays. I know I’m writing parts and pieces but maybe that’s what keeps it interesting? Anyway, been a gamer for a while because truth is video games just keeps you going but at the same time makes your life worthless as years pass on. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to do it and wants to help me in maths. But if I don’t pass 101% this December I will finally disappear.
Before suiciding yourself do you feel lonely that you’re going to die alone? Because I hella do. I wish I would have died with somebody even a stranger. :'(
Enjoy this music while you gather your thoughts.