So a girl I thought had completely forgotten about me messaged me earlier. She wants to get back together with me, as far as I can tell. Thing is, I’m dating another girl right now. I don’t know what to do. I care about them both, but I don’t know what to do anymore. Any ideas? If you want more context I’ll give it as asked, just please, I need advice and the person I’d normally go to died in a car crash seven months ago.
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16 comments
Fuck both of em.
I agree with Woody. DO the both of them.
Send time with each one and bang them both.
Just dont let one know about the other.
That’s terrible advice above (and from suicidals!). Don’t be a selfish asshole like they’re suggesting. Simply tell the girl who texted you, “Sorry, I’m dating someone else now, have a nice life,” and stay with the one you’re currently dating.
People who “forget” about you and then show up later because you were their backburner option? They’re a waste of your time.
Focus on caring romantically about one person at once, if you don’t want to be used or be a user. This will also ensure you’ll have less drama to deal with, and better Karma overall. (I.e., actions have consequences.)
Be open and honest. I think ending one relationship with the intent to start another will hurt people, that’s not cool, show some empathy towards her feelings. “Fuck both of em” and you may just fuck yourself.
“if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second” – Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp knows.
That quote seems to justify cheating/increase breakup through fallacious wisdom. I think we have the ability to be attracted to more than one person, (such as the parental love for numerous children) We make a conscious decision, bearing in mind the potential positive and negative impacts, and including the socially imposed construct of monogamy as to our actions and behaviours.
And then there is the real potential that the “lust phase” in our brains is clouding reason… The so-called “honeymoon phase.”
While I think that being in a relationship where both people have grown apart is no longer sustainable (when children are not involved) the issue reflects timing and the potential for hurt.
If OP decides to rekindle an old relationship my hope is that his main considerations are the feelings and potential hurt to his SO. Timing is the key, as is an approach that takes into account our actions affect on others.
Obviously my comment is no reflection on the talent of Johnny Depp.
There’s a difference between attraction and love. I also think that to “fall in love” you’d have to be open to doing so. I’m not really a believer in love at first sight, I think it’s more of a choice.
I’ve gone back to an ex and it turns out they were an ex for a reason. It didn’t work the second time around and was a complete waste of time. If you see a real chance with the girl you’re dating now, ignore your ex and stick with he. The ex is the PAST. Don’t look back.
“I’ve gone back to an ex and it turns out they were an ex for a reason.” Yeah, I’m constantly surprised by how many people seem to forget this. Of course people have the ability to change but ingrained behaviour often re-emerges. Better not to risk finding out first hand.
Also, she just popped up out of nowhere? If she left you hanging like that, why does she deserve another chance? Just questions I’d ask myself.
Thank you all for your sage advice, especially the “fuck em both.” I don’t want to cheat on anybody, that’s never been my way, and the last thing I want to do is hurt the girl I’m with, but at the same time this other girl… I just don’t know. I don’t know if there’s any correct answer here.
The only “correct” answer here is doing what is of mutual benefit to all three of you. And that depends on what the three of you need and want.
You need to figure out what you want: do you want a short-term or a long-term relationship, do you want to be exclusive or allowed to see others? And then you need to figure out what the two women want.
It is really pretty simple. Just be open and honest, it is much easier.
If you don’t know what you want, experiment. But be honest. Honesty might lose you some relationships along the way, but you will gain so much more: integrity, peace of mind, more satisfying relationships.
Oh, and it is possible to be honest without being utterly brash and cruel. It is just good communication, really.
Stay with the second. You left the first for a reason.
Well, this is just horrible. Of course that you should stay with the girl with whom you are now! Cheating on her or changing her to your ex will make her feel unimportant and used, maybe even depressed.