Hi everyone. I’m new on this site and just looking for people who may understand.
People here may understand what it is like to feel like you have no future. Nothing worth living for and no hope that things may improve. I’m at the point where I feel like I should just end it now to prevent a life time of pain, suffering, and loneliness.
I just turned 34 and I feel like my life is already over. My husband of 7 years is leaving me. Mainly bc we recently found out I can’t have children. I’ve had 6 miscarriages and no doctor can tell me why except my chances of having a healthy baby are basically 0. So my husband is moving on while he is still young enough to have a family.
So where does that leave me. Pathetic and lonely I guess. I feel guilty for feeling this way when so many have things worse than I do. I guess I’m weak. I just don’t want to do this anymore. It’s exhausting trying to wake up and make it through the day. I ask myself, what is the point. I work and come home to sit alone. Why do I do this.
Can anyone out there relate…
Just looking for people who understand.
3 comments
Hi Nicole, and welcome to the site.
I am sorry you are feeling that way. I can relate to part of it, I am closing in on 33, and I don’t really know where my 20s went. Before that, I was too young to realise that life would not last forever. I am shy enough that it keeps ruining my chances every time I take a liking to someone. I somehow manage to ruin it all. I also waste other kinds of opportunities.
But enough about me. I am sorry that you have been unable to carry a baby to term and that your husband has left you, that is terrible, and I can’t imagine what it must feel like.
I hope you will find some way to remember that even though some people may leave you or reject you or whatever, others may not. You will meet new people, indeed you still have a lot of time to meet new people.
As an example of how life can unexpectedly take a turn for the better, years ago I was alone and confused and, I think, suicidal a lot of the time. I was in a somewhat dead-end job with no plan for my life and no real belief that the humdrum would improve. But a lovely woman gave me her number, and I ended up dating her for a year. I don’t know, but I am starting to think that she could have been “the love of my life”. She was quietly confident, she nurtured me and healed me in ways I did not think possible. I grew happy and confident. I still managed to throw it all away in the end, but my point is that I had never seen it coming. Never. I thought my life was over. And she breathed new life into it. She resuscitated me.
I hope you find some way to enjoy your life. I hate growing older, but why not appreciate the life we have left? We focus so much on youth these days, and sure, old age (not that 34 is old lol) has its disadvantages, but it is no ironclad rule that you cannot free yourself from the dogma and enjoy life after 30.
Anyway, hug, and I hope you hang on 🙂
I would feel relieved if my husband left me because I could not have children. Only a very selfish person/narcissist would leave you at a low point. Some people have children who end up causing them a lifetime of pain and suffering. The grass is always greener on the other side. You can focus on the positives and opportunities that come with having no dependents and not having to deal with a self-centered partner. It should not be difficult to find someone new. You have a long life full of possibilities ahead. Focus on what you can have instead of what you can’t have and what you can give.
Hi Nicole,
I’m 32 and also feel my life is over. If you like to talk you an always email me: stefan@deds.nl