It’s been some time since I last posted here and I don’t think I’ve made that much progress on recovering from my depression. In fact, I’ve made two halfhearted attempts to kill myself, which is by drinking a few random pills. I’ve become somewhat distant from my parents, one main reason is their political stance on my country’s president right now. They voted for him because of a desire of change, even though it was evident that he was misogynistic, racist, and selfish. They keep talking about him during dinner time and praising him for all his decisions, which include killing of drug addicts, which can also be used as an excuse for killing someone simply because you didn’t like them. I end up eating quickly Most of the time, when I voice out my opinions to my parents, I end up getting dismissed and they try to implant their opinions on me, which is why I don’t really talk with them that much.
Aside from that, I’ve put on some weight and I am not happy with it. People, including my parents, tell me to accept my body for what it is but, no! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I don’t want any of their “accept your body and eat whatever you want” bullshit. I want to be healthy, eat healthy, live a healthy lifestyle, but no, my friends peer pressure me into eating with them unhealthy crap, like brownies, pizza, and other shit that probably worsens my blood sugar, as I may have diabetes right now (my pee has been smelling sweet for 4 months now and I still haven’t had a test due to me being busy with schoolwork). My father gets “triggered” every time me or my mother says we need to eat healthy because he’s the one who keeps buying unhealthy pastries and other junk food in the house. He doesn’t want to exercise because of “painful knees”, like the kind of excuses people who do not simply want to be healthy give.
Back to my parents, they keep giving me lots of random material things I don’t really need, like bags or shirts. They think that they’ll make me happy by giving me those crap, but in reality, I just want them to listen to me, to realize that their daughter has changed, to live a healthy lifestyle, and to accept me for who I am. I don’t want any material gift from them for this Christmas, well, maybe meds for my depression. I want a will to live, which I always joke about when I’m in school. I want acceptance. I want to get rid of all this bitterness and anger in my heart. But right now, I’m just slowly fading away from the world…
4 comments
Regards the President I wouldn’t let it worry you too much. I’m from the UK, but the choice of a President or Prime Minister is democracy in motion.
Think of the people in North Korea stuck with fat boy Kim.
1, Tell your parents to shut up. Accept that an idiot got elected that should never have been able to pass a “fit to lead” test, but there is nothing you can do about it, and their praise nor you dismay will change anything now. It hard to change idiots minds, but if it bothers you to listen to it, shut off, leave, find your peace and comfort.
All you can is deal with it, and hope shit doesn’t turn out like Mad Max
2. reject the material things you don’t want, exchanged them for what you would like/make you feel better, donate to charity or something. Voice your needs, get the meds/things you desire.
3. Exercise, you exercising got fuck all to do with your parents or friends. Eating “unhealthy” on its own is not unhealthy, everything is good in adequate moderation. Eat a pizza – go for a swim. eat some pastry – take a run. Feel free to eat some brownies, and do some martial arts, boxing.
Usain Bolt’s diet during the Olympics was straight up junk food, mainly McDonalds. Junk food isn’t bad if you just remember to use it as fuel. Just because other use excuses, doesn’t mean you have to adhere to them. Unless you are chained to a radiator in the basement, exercise is something free you can do and get everywhere and anywhere whenever you like, even during work/school.
5. If you have issues, such as things that require meds or professional attention, that your parents refuse to support or acknowledge, take matters in your own hand and reach out to those that can help, free clinics, counselors, social/caseworkers, volunteers, online support.
6. Don’t take shit by allowing yourself to be held back by your parents/surroundings, and especially don’t let yourself be held back by you.
now get off your ass and go get tested for diabetes!
all this might sound tough and harsh, but it comes from a place of love, I care, so I had to say it.
I’ve seen a few of your past posts, and it gives me a bit of hope that there are people like you in the world. At the same time, it enrages me that the world is how it is these days – the ideal of raising children to grow up in a stable society where they can pursue their dreams and interests is narrowing further and further every year. I hope you keep pushing back and don’t give up.
Also, fuck Rodrigo. That guy is a psychopath who is unfit to serve as community dog catcher, much less president of populous country. Heh, that’s my two cents, anyhow. The president of my country is only slightly less insane.