grief is defined as: intense sorrow, especially caused by someones death.
now, im trying to work out if one can feel grief for a person who has died even though they have never met, in real life.
a very close online friend died recently, not by suicide, which is ironic in itself given that we met here and connected on our chosen preferred method of suicide. what followed was an amazingly close but short lived friendship. we had everything in common, we chatted every day and exchanged everything from pics to videos of us playing music. truly the most amazing person i have met in my 40 years on this asshole planet. i knew she was sick but we both kinda chose to ignore it…which hurts so much now. i wish i had done more, anyway, when i finally heard last week that something had gone wrong and the cancer was too far gone, i was in deep shock. so two days later i get this time delayed email saying goodbye with a bunch of songs she sang. fucking broke me. and now all i can do is play her songs, look at her pictures, re read messages and get upset. constantly. since then i have been emailing her every day, eventhough i know she has gone…. seriously whats up with me??
so i need to know if im experiencing grief or my cheese has finally slid off my cracker once and for all!!
ive not lost anyone really close to me before, hence my confusion at my feelings. im just a freaking mess atm but even though, it feels different to my old friend depression. anyway, im lost. and really….
if this aint grief… im fucked.
Hey mate .. That’s good ya got emotion . Might keep you alive .. Feels good to grieve .. The e-mail thing may be over the top ..You know ,the cheese / cracker thing ..?? But hey – only you know what’s going on in side ya head . I know that the depression thing has made me an emotional wreck . Fuck I cry at sunlight .. I’d like to think that when I die someone puts in as much effort thinking about me as you have on your friend there. It must have been great to have that bond with someone – someone to trust – so to loose that would hurt a lot man . I think ya just a normal screwed up depressed dude posting on a suicide site .. How crazy could ya be ?? hang in there …………
You are afraid that what you felt for your friend was more than just friendship. Maybe what you feel is regret? Regarding the e-mails keep doing it closure is sought and found in many different ways. Your friendship might have been short but it was pure. It will forever be untainted and untouched even by time. The beautiful memory will never wear off.
Sounds like grief to me. Do what you want to express it. There is no right way to grieve. This too shall pass.
thanks for ur kind words and comments. this has actually helped alot. even just that someone has heard me. thanks again