I know I am, I don’t really do anything with my time…. I know I will never manage to be useful to anybody, I know I will never be able to live on my own…. I should just kill myself really, it would be better for everybody…. Why did I even decide to stop cutting? I deserve to cut myself every day, yet now I’ve very much so broken the habit, and it’s actually hard for me to cut myself now…. What the fuck? Why am I doing so well at not doing this? People like me deserve it, maybe when school starts again I will use it as motivation? That was when my grades were better…. I need to start doing that again…. Maybe I should also stop seeing my counselor, he’s helping too much…. Grrrr I don’t even know what to post about I know I want to but not sure what…. I’m not doing okay right now, and there is nobody for me to talk to currently -_-
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Good grief, if people like you deserve to die then I’m in serious trouble!
I don’t do shit. Don’t feel like I need to do shit. Was a big shit not doer in my youth. So the fuck what?
Just about everywhere I look I see cattle madly rushing to abattoirs. People shouldn’t live like this. I sure the hell don’t.
Please try to stop beating yourself up. Quit comparing yourself to the standards of a judgemental industrialized society.
Don’t check out. Don’t give up. Do what you can when you can. You can make a difference. Sure, it’s probably going to be a small one, but that is a big deal. There are so many out there that are actively making things worse. Have pride that you’re not one of those fuckers.
Don’t do shit! Don’t give anyone else shit! Don’t take shit!
No shit!
I don’t know how to reply to this…. But thank you very much ^_^
SeeSmith, I wish there was an upvote button for this comment, except I would be too lazy to press it.
Welcome to the club I am 26 today and nothing has changed no matter how hard I gave efforts to it. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I never got into cutting I just always gave me an anxiety. Well at first when I cut I felt proud to be able to harm myself and continue trying being around people made me feel better like a debt was paid and I received punishment for something I have no idea about. But all in all I felt proud than anxiety took over. I feel for you though who ever you are
I used to like cutting a lot…. Yeah it did mostly feel like punishment to me too…. But it also was the only thing that I felt like I did “right” and was “good at”…. which is a bit sad…. I wish I had more scars, and I do know how to make more, but I probably am not going to be making more anytime soon -_-
You said something interesting to me it felt that way to like for the first time I am doing something right and when I cut I would cut on top of the cut it hurt but I try to avoid creating scars very painful and now I got a big scar from it took months to recover . Good I’m happy to hear that I stopped cutting two years ago.
meh I have a lot of scars…. I’ve been told that they are not horrible (which is upsetting in a way) but I guess that’s good…. I kind of disagree with that though, as it is more scaring than I should have…. a lot more…. -_-
and good job with stopping ^_^ that’s good 😀
and yeah it’s strange how that feeling of doing something right is easily able to be applied to cutting…. I’ve done that same thing too, never really liked it that much though, as it hurts a lot less after getting deep enough, for me the tearing threw skin has always been the more painful part, which makes it my favorite part…. after getting down past skin it just doesn’t hurt that much -_- (for me)
Come to think of it I remember you now glad to see your still around last time I checked in was in May *high five*
*high fives back* yay ^_^ How have you been?
I’ve been good with the depression part but now I ended up getting myself into debt for both my family and my dumb lonely reasons. It’s too bad I was off at a great start I had everything planned out still everyone around me seems to be enjoying themselves though that’s OK I’ll give myself a few months at most .Anyways how you been
that sucks that you’re in debt…. 🙁
Ummmm I’ve been okay, things were going really well for awhile, and now are slowly starting to fall back apart…. so meh, I guess that’s how things are. -_-
shatterediris,
Your old buddy here, I’m on my way to the store I’m making something I enjoy for dinner so I can enjoy living a little bit. 🙂 If you are lazy you get nothing accomplished, people that get nothing accomplished never feel good, they feel like they are a waste correct? So why not stop being lazy? why not do something to make yourself feel better? I’m just saying feeling good about yourself is much more gratifying than feeling worthless, it’s a no brainier 🙂 I myself feel like not doing anything “being lazy” and I do nothing sometimes! but I also say well it’s time to get up off my ass and accomplish something! So for example I went into hyper-drive about an hour ago and cleaned the house, i’m done now 🙂 Now I’m sitting back on my lazy ass in my clean house feeling good about what i did, do you get it? in other words get off your lazy ass and do something!!!!! 🙂 Then sit back and welp I’ve accomplished something i’m not worthless. Have a good day.
Hello Mr. Rocketman -_- I can’t help but be lazy, I don’t do anything, and commonly when I do feel like doing things I can’t choose what to do because there is just so much it’s overwhelming…. And I never feel any different afterwards, like what you described…. That could possibly be why I am just horribly lazy as there is no reward for not being lazy…. But yay you cleaned your house that’s good ^_^ I should probably do that sometime…. But I did clean some dishes this mourning (before bed) and that did reward me by allowing me to eat…. ^-^
shatterediris, you see you got something out of it!! 🙂 you got to eat!! Well doing something doesn’t always equal feeling great afterwards either, but overwhelming? yeah i’ve been there, How do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time. overwhelming goes away little by little if you work on it.
eating isn’t much of a reward…. I’m not super fond of food…. -_- well I am, but not really…. like I love it, but I also don’t really like to eat it that often…. I like fastfood though, that’s never turned down by me…. It’s greasy and makes me feel better…. like I’m slowly dying…. ^_^