I’m not pretty… it’s a fact. The more I stare at the person in the mirror, I criticize everything about myself, I don’t find any good things in myself anymore. I’m not fun to be with, I’m boring, after a while everyone leaves and replaces me immediately. Am I really that replaceable? I am I really that much similar to everyone else? I know I’m not worth anything, and I’m just waiting for death to pay me a visit.
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I know exactly what you mean, and I know where you are coming from. I don’t know if you will want to listen to what I have to say but one thing that someone told that really helped me get through life is that You don’t need to have someone validate who you are, you need to learn to love yourself before you realize there are people who do love you. It will take time and it will be extremely difficult because who better to see all the flaws than yourself. In time you will find the people you are meant to be with, friends, partners, and family, and you will realize that that is right where you belong.
I promise you’re not that replaceable. Most of those people who come and go very fast are the ones who don’t understand anything that you feel. And that’s okay. I like to say that I am incredibly unique. Actually, it took me 14 years to find someone who fully understood me. I had a hard time making friends and relating to people because when people found out the real me, they got scared and didn’t accept me for who I was. Real friends don’t do that. You will find your way. Even if it takes a bit longer than everyone else. Also remember that everyone on this site is here to support each other because we all understand.
Hugs
I had to check to make sure I had not written this. I feel the same way… exactly the same way. And all this nonsense about *love yourself* or, have a positive attitude, or the rest of that garbage is just that. Garbage. That voice is always there telling you how stupid you are, how ugly you are and how much of a failure you are. The voice in my head is always there telling me what other people are probably thinking when they look at me, and none of them are good.
I’ve gotten through by just pretty much saying “whatever” all day long inside my own head. Bashed by the boss, whatever. Flipped off by someone, whatever. Given that “eeew” look from someone, whatever. I’m not saying people are wrong or right, I have just learned that it doesn’t matter and to just put one foot in front of the other, and try not to look people in the face since then you won’t get the crappy looks and painful feedback. Not sure if that helps.