I honestly don’t care about school right now… I’m in my freshman year of high school and I just started going to online school for this year. I just couldn’t handle the anxiety that regular school gave me. I was just so scared to even walk into campus or a class. It was just too much. But my mom enrolled me into online school late so when I started, I already had about 20 or 30 missing assignments. At first, I tried making them up but my anxiety took hold of me. I stopped attending the class sessions and trying to make up the work. I’m not trying to seem lazy, I just feel so overwhelmed. I wake up and I start having panic attacks cause of it and it just won’t leave me alone. I haven’t talked to any of the teachers and I’m sure they must be furious at me… Besides, everyday is so lonely. I never leave the house and I just stay home all day long. When my friends contact me when they’re sad, which is the only reason they contact me, I try to lift them up. And, it usually works. But I feel so drained. I’m almost always there for them but then when I need someone, I have no one to talk to. When I try telling them I’m sad, they either don’t reply or just say “Oh.” Besides, I know that even if I do tell them all the time, they won’t even try to make me feel better. I can’t trust them anymore. They’ve done so many things that I don’t want to say. I’m just so scared and alone. Some days, all I can do to block the anxiety and depression is watch a tv show, read a book, anything that’ll take me from reality. I don’t want to die.. Like, I’m not actively searching for ways to kill myself, but if there was an option to just disappear or go to a place where people don’t expect me to do and be certain things, I would take it in a heartbeat. Waking up is a nightmare and sometimes sleeping is too. My dad was abusive and sometimes I still get nightmares. I know all of this is scattered and unorganized and I apologize. Thank you for taking the time to read and or reply..
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anxiety can be a vicious circle, and be hard to escape once really stuck, don’t let that happen
while I know it’s a wonderful escape, it can also be a tool to enable the anxiety/depression even more, so be careful you don’t delve too deep in the rabbit’s hole trying to escape reality,
in the end, after all, it’s not real, and you should get the real thing
might seem odd, but socializing is one of the best ways to help thwart anxiety, where as bricking oneself in, just stimulates it.
Online school just means more hours a day you being alone on top of everything
Don’t let your social circle drain you, voice your needs, and your limitations, honesty is good, (though one doesn’t have to go about it being a dick, reasonable amount of decorum)
It seems like what you need is to “come clean”, stuff is just piling on from all direction because you don’t speak up, and let people know this is too much in the respective ways, friends, parents included.
(of course while a teacher might not exempt one from assignments, it can help the student teacher relation to inform)
ever considered group sessions/therapy to tackle your anxiety?, they can be very helpful for a lot of people
Thank you so much for the advice and I have. I asked my mom if I could but she says that I can just get over it on my own plus we don’t have the money…
I’m sorry but your mom is dead wrong, that is very very hard, and rarely ends well, and I get a little mad when parents act like that, it’s a legit medical condition for a reason.
About the money
usually group therapy/session are very cheap, exactly because of the group, and not 1n1.
and depending where you live there can even be free ones, or other group support group types,
and many places have some type of free or readily accessible form of counseling, health/mental support, case/social workers, volunteers
If your mom won’t support you in your struggle, then I’m so sorry, and sympathize,
but then you have to be all the more vigilant taking care of yourself,
be strong, you will be surprised how strong it turns out you really are in the end
The mind is your greatest possession, you need to take care of it, so that it’s your friend and not your enemy/jailor
Does your school have a counsellor? That’s a perk about being in a regular school. They’re supposed to provide counselling services, and sometimes they recommend therapy which can be helpful.
I stayed home from school a couple of times due to physical and mental health reasons and… well, let’s say that was when I discovered the people that really cared.
You are precious. Do be gentle with yourself. The things that you are going through do not define who you are. Take deep breaths- remember to breathe x
Thank you so much for commenting and yes, I do. But I get too anxious to even log in to my online school account. I start trembling, having heart palpitations, a weight on my chest, my throat constricting.. In other words, an anxiety attack. I just get so scared, I know it’s unreasonable but I just can’t shake it off. Thank you for this, it’s nice to know people care.
Hi Alaskan. I also go to an online school…have been doing so for the last four years…I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said, about the social aspect and the time management. I also have anxiety and depression. One thing I have found over the years is that you need to tell people – teachers, or whoever – when you are struggling. That is really hard if you have anxiety…but they are usually more than willing to help. Don’t put it off since stuff will pile up. Also finding something to do outside of school is critical…otherwise it is so easy to sink into a hole of self-loathing & feeling useless…which is somewhere I’ve been waaaay too many times. While it may sound too simple, getting some exercise is really helpful. At least it is for me. Truth is I’m pretty bad at managing it all, which is why I am…uh, on this site. Anway…just in case you’d like to talk, my email’s thatxyz7 (at) gmail . com (no spaces)
Thank you so much. I honestly didn’t expect anyone to reply. I really appreciate it.