Sick

December 30th, 2016by beautifulsinner

sick and tired. thats what i am. stupid me for breaking down at school and telling the school guidance counsellor about my plans to kill myself. right back to the psych ward is where she took me. i cant believe i cracked, i wish i didnt. now im here against my will for who knows how long. im so angry. so angry and tired of people making my hospitalisation for wanting to kill myself about them. “dont you think about your impact” yes, of course i do. but do i care? i dont. im so numb and sick of people telling me it gets better when it doesnt. it hasnt. for me at least. its getting worse. people are getting fed up with me being in and out of the psych ward, as if i have a choice. just let me die in peace. these people dont get what its like to wake up every day and hate yourself so much, to have this urge to die as badly as i do. and dont tell me suicide is such a selfish option for myself. im giving up, and practising fucking mindfulness isnt going to save me this time doctor, sorry. I just cant wait until i have the chance to kill myself, because theres no fucking way that i want to be another one of those suicide survivors.

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