thoughts and feelings, 9:47pm

it’s been a while since the last time i posted here, but i guess i wanna start posting regularly again, just so i don’t feel so alone.
today’s been kind of a blur. i noticed how whenever I’m feeling very very down, i just say “I’m tired”, or “I’m sleepy”.
I’ve felt very very lonely today, although i don’t think that’s quite the feeling, but it’ll do for now.
from tomorrow to sunday i work, and I’m not very up for it, but it’ll at least keep me occupied and I’ll be distracted for a while.
i think i need to chill out for a bit, this feeling may be more “overwhelmed” than “lonely”.
i don’t know what to do to stop having bad thoughts.
lately i also feel very anxious because everyone expects me to feel happy and cheerful, but i don’t. so i make it up. but I’m starting to fail at faking it.
i feel so much pressure, and ungrateful for not being as happy as i should be, and I don’t know how to cope with it yet. whatever shall i do with this mess of a head i have.