I can say I grew up with her. She was my best friend, she was funny, she liked the same things I did, she was perfect; I loved her. She made me feel like no one else ever could make me feel. Its hard to explain that beautiful feeling. Although I felt so much love for her, she was still my best friend, it was just that way. She couldn’t feel the same for me and that is fine, she was still my best friend. When I moved, we still kept contact; we still messaged each other, we still wrote letters to each other, and we hung out each rare chance we had. Lately, I haven’t talked to her, I messaged her to see how she was doing and how I was planning to delete all accounts of social media that I have because it just puts me down. Not the existence of the accounts but the friends I follow; I just have changed a lot since I last knew them. Everybody I follow has changed into something much better than me. Everyone is happily in relationships, everyone is going to a great college and having fun, everyone is just enjoying life much more than I am. I let her know where she can message me if she ever wants to talk, but I never got any messages from her. Hopefully she just went on that out of country trip and is unable to message me; but it also makes me think, is this a good thing? I mean there has been a lot of aspects that contribute to my depression but moving away from her was probably the peak of my depression. She is a great person and all but we haven’t been as close as we were before I moved, nothing has been the same since then! For the past three years felt this pit inside because of her. Since I moved I never wanted her to be anything more than a best friend for me, I just want things to be back to before I left. She once told me she was scared for me because of my feelings for her. Does this mean its just time to forget about her and move on? I’m not trying to sound like some sad cliche movie character, but as much as I love to stay in contact with her, it makes me fucking depressed. Like maybe this is something I need, maybe this will be the cure or suppressant to my condition. I have a letter for her sitting in my car, I haven’t decided if I should send it or not, sorry. By deleting my social media I don’t know how my old friends are doing, so…
Maybe if I moved on, I wouldn’t feel so sad all the time.
2 comments
Richi, everyone is struggling. They may not struggle daily and Facebook is a place of the must-have eternal happiness, but believe me that you are not alone.
Maybe it would be worth trying to send her a letter? I don’t know how she is. Some friendships are lost, time changes people. I had some people close to me who changed over the years and the only natural solution was to let them go. Sad, and even sadder since one of them keeps living right above the place where I spent all the past years. It hurts only until the moment when you realize that it is the natural course of things.
I’m not much of a talker (however certain people would disagree), but I reinstalled Skype and you can contact me whenever you want or need. I’ll always keep some reassuring words for you.
Hey thanks for getting back to me. I was wondering if i’d hear from you. Anyways I have been stuck in between these thoughts for a while. I’ll talk to you later about this, I have no phone and I will be at work today. But thanks for getting back to me. 🙂