To the One I Love

December 22nd, 2016by BrokenKitten

I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I know that even though you say you love me, you must also hate me by now as well. I’ve felt that you do for quite a while now, you can say it, I won’t blame you for it. You’ve been opening up after all these years, telling me the things I already knew…
I always told myself it’s just my lack of self esteem, it’s my depression, my own hatred for myself projected onto you. You always told me not to think of myself so poorly, don’t worry, I love you. Finally you’ve been honest, and one by one these things I’d always felt are being proven true, so why would this be any different?
I’m a burden, too overwhelming, too damaged – these are facts. I know that I’m annoying, and needy, and boring. I know I’m not enough – though you’ve stopped just short of saying so.
I know all this, and yet, I still want you to myself. Saying it all together like that, it really doesn’t make much sense, right? I know you’re happier when you’re free. It shouldn’t have surprised me that the engagement that I now realize I basically forced you into didn’t last. It certainly shouldn’t cut so deep after all this time.
I wish I had never told you that you saved my life, or that you are what keeps me alive on my darkest days. I know you must feel trapped. I wish I could take it all back so you could leave, or that I wasn’t so selfish and I could just make you leave myself. No matter how you protest, I know you’d be happier that way, at least if not for the guilt. I wish I could just fade from existence, so that you would forget you ever even met me, and you could find true happiness.

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