Anger Management

Hello. So it was during the holidays, and I was just looking through my phone when I saw a post about how to spot a suicidal person. Seeing as how it was the holidays and many of us decide to take our leave around that time, it made sense that those suicide prevention groups would go around putting these things up. I looked at it a bit to see how I matched up and I noticed something. One sign was irritability and anger. I thought about it for a bit and realized that I do actually have some anger issues. Of course I’m not consistently angry, but there are times where I’ll get pissy over the smallest of things, usually with my parents. I thought back at all the other times I was really depressed and realized that I was angry back then too. In fact I just thought about an incident today. I don’t remember what it was about, but I remember I was talking to some kid during lunch and all of a sudden I started choking him. Like he was red in the face choking. Eventually he pulled my hair (I have long hair) and I stopped. Everyone was kind of looking at us, but everyone including him played it off like we were just joking around. I noticed red marks around his neck. I kind of freaked and just walked away. I was terrified he was going to rat on me to the teachers or his parents. I never heard anything from anyone. Nothing like that has happened since. I really dodged a bullet there and I really could have hurt someone. Now it only gets as bad as me yelling or something. However I do have fleeting thoughts about just punching people. Like really digging into them. I never act on it though. I often have to tell myself whenever I feel like this that it doesn’t matter. There is nothing worth getting angry over and that I should just calm down. These sort of things happen way too often for my tastes. I really hope I don’t screw myself and end up hurting someone. They will end up putting me back in therapy. I really don’t want that. Thank you for listening.