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Fellow Furies

by _darkness

This is a follow-up to whiskered-fish’s post about being filled with so much anger/rage/fury. I would like to know who else is filled with this much anger and hatred? I mean filled with so much anger you’re boiling inside and a-thousand-screams-isn’t-enough kind of anger?

I don’t think most people get how angry I am at the world, at life. Very few are this angry, so I would like to hear from others who are as angry and filled with rage as I am. I feel like a dense ball of madness and anger and hatred swirling inside. Like Naturo’s Nine Tails kiyuubi lol. And yes, atm, I am at a loss at how to describe that rage/fury feeling so that you can understand the depth of it. It goes beyond just “angry.”

And how do you let it out/get rid of it? I used to exercise all the time but now I can no longer, so the anger/pressure is just growing. No, no, painting and drawing and things like that just aren’t “strong” enough. I used to also be crazy/adventurous/stupid doing extreme adrenaline-inducing activities (like rock climbing, sky diving, etc.) Again, because of health reasons, it’s difficult to. I suppose I’m like that lobster being boiled- red, hot, angry and boiling.

So, who else out here understands this level of rage/anger/fury/hatred?

And…what jazzier name can we call ourselves, fellow furies? And what shall our group name be? The Rage Club? The Furious Furies?

Kinda like this… but maybe with even more angry music lol

kiyuubi1

kiyuubi2

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WhySkyEnd 1/13/2017 - 3:55 pm

I am extremely angry all of the time, I don’t think I’ve smiled in a long time. I have so much rage and hate for the world, people, and everything. I know it’s sad but when I hear about shootings and things like terrorist attacks I could care less. I pray for death every day, if only I had the courage to do it myself I could rid the world of myself.

The Last Snorlax 1/13/2017 - 4:22 pm

you know when you read something too quickly and at a glance maybe?
yea, i really gotta stop doing that,
followed by a ninetailed fox ppicture my mind just even more imprinted the automatic correctness of a glance at a post titled: “Fellow Furries”,
now that caught my eye and forced my mind to stop wandering and read thoroughly lol

i wonder, what constitutes angry music to you?
something in particular, music that “sounds” angry,
or annoying music that makes you angry, imagine a track made of the sound Lloyd makes in the car(dumb & dumber, )combined with fingernails on a blackboard or something,

have you ever tried letting your anger out at the stuff you are angry at? (at least the stuff you can let it out at)
when i was younger i did the whole exercise and martial arts thing too to rid my self of frustration anger and energy, but you see, at that point its already “pent-up”, and can sometimes be better to nip it in the butt and tackle it head on as it arrives when possible
(of course can be a bit hard to deck Walter Disney for current live action remakes, and not saying you should take a sledgehammer to your local DMV clerk, but screaming your and their head off is perfectly fine at times)

_darkness 1/13/2017 - 5:57 pm

That. Angry music for angry people.
youtube.com/results?search_query=angry+music+for+angry+people

The Last Snorlax 1/13/2017 - 6:22 pm

fuck me if that is angry music i guess i’m angrier than i thought 😉
here i thought i was just listening to it because it was good stuff on a random tuesday
then again maybe mom and dad blasted the stereo too loud when i was in the womb and i got deeper issues, who knows 😀

_darkness 1/13/2017 - 8:47 pm

Well…they’re what’s available. I am on the search for more angrier music tho…

_darkness 1/13/2017 - 6:19 pm

Saw a documentary on “furries” once. Are you a “furry”?

The Last Snorlax 1/13/2017 - 6:26 pm

nope but i had a friend i lived with for several years that are, thats why it caught my eyes when i misread it as with an extra “r” hehe
in my mind it sounded sorta like a midnight call for all furries, but on a suicide site which is why it seemed so strange until i read the title right, made much more sense then

SeeSmith 1/13/2017 - 5:07 pm

In my 20s, my rage was open and overt. I got into fist fights. My rage burned incandescently until it caused me so many problems I knew I had to change. By that time I was…

In my 30s, my rage was sullen and subversive. I plotted revenge on all that slighted me. My rage slowly smoldered and choked my life until no victory was good enough. I knew I had to change. By that time I was…

In my 40s, my rage was directed at the true source of my problems: myself. My rage was a weak daily catalog of my shortcomings and failures. I knew I had to change. By that time I was…

In my 50s, my rage is diffuse and weak. My rage is like a small child with only enough power to trip me up occasionally. I know I still need to evolve and change.

Probably my life would have been better without all that rage, but I can’t change that. The best I can do for right now is to accept responsibility for the rage filled acts I have done and forgive myself.

But, now that I think of it, if, by some chance, I do manage to catch that roadrunner, I’m going to let him watch me eat his liver before he painfully dies.

_darkness 1/13/2017 - 6:03 pm

What if the rage isn’t on yourself, but at all the assholes who f*ed you over? I am angry at all the sh*tholes that screwed me over throughout my tortured life. I am angry because no matter how good of a person I am, there will always be people who want to stab me in the back or do s*** to me. It’s just a fact of life for me.

I know this burning anger inside of me is not healthy, but how does one accept it? How do you accept injustice?

Life and it’s shitty people piss me off.

SeeSmith 1/13/2017 - 6:08 pm

I don’t know. I’m sorry. For me, somehow I just got tired of that manifestation of my anger… like an alcoholic giving up the drink.

_darkness 1/13/2017 - 6:07 pm

“I plotted revenge on all that slighted me.”
hehe, I love the way you write, the style/syntax of it.

Anyhow, I don’t do anything outward to people who have screwed me over (other than tell them to fuck off or cut them out of my life). Part of that boiling anger can’t be released because I can’t exact revenge on those bastards. So that anger boils and festers…

_darkness 1/13/2017 - 6:12 pm

How did you go from inward rage in your 40s to a weak and diffuse rage in your 50s? How did it get weakened and diffused?

SeeSmith 1/13/2017 - 6:45 pm

Raising my son had alot to do with it.

Please note all those rages I experienced were often simultaneous and not neatly cut up into decades.

I’d watch my son fuck up and I had to tell him it was OK, because he was a kid, because he was a human, because we all are flawed. I did that for enough years it dawned on me maybe I should treat myself with the same forgiveness I used on my son.

The other thing was age. When my son was getting ready to be out in the world on his own I started thinking about how old I was. When I’d get angry or beat up on myself there was a part of me that said, “you maybe have 20 years of sexy left. Do you really want to be an angry old man or would you rather be that funny dude that gets laid?” The logic was so compelling I learned to say fuck it when I felt myself become pissy.

Keep in mind it is ALWAYS two steps forward, one step back. Change doesn’t happen overnight.

_darkness 1/13/2017 - 8:51 pm

I feel like us depressed people take 2 steps forward and take 1 1/2 steps back, lol. We don’t seem to get very far…

AllByMyself 1/14/2017 - 12:38 am

I am mostly just angry at myself. I have finally given up the notion that I can ever be happy. I thought I had finally met someone that understood me, but like I always do I scared them away. After a freaking month. I love people so much but I can’t understand them and they can’t understand me. I’m completely alone and have cried alone so many times this week. I’ve silent screamed to myself, an absolutely guttural scream that barely made a sound. I am so angry at the universe for putting me here, in a society I don’t understand. And I’m angry at myself for being a coward and not finishing it already.

jadedjewel 1/15/2017 - 8:35 pm

I was where you are 6 months ago… crying a lot, angry with myself, blaming myself for a lot of things. Sometimes the universe has a way of weeding out the people who aren’t good for us or right for us or our lives in it’s own way and sometimes it’s painful but unbeknownst to us it’s actually a blessing in disguise. Maybe that person was not meant to be the person for you and the spot had to be vacated so the right person can come along and have their rightful place. Try to hold on. Change may happen when you least expect it and anything can be different from that point on… anything…. it can be as simple as one person touching your life in the smallest way that makes a difference.:)

_darkness 1/15/2017 - 8:45 pm

I understand other people, it’s other people who don’t understand me (other than the ppl on SP)

jadedjewel 1/15/2017 - 8:27 pm

Rage …. yup many times I have almost walked out on my job due to rage… many times I excused my self from my desk or the office to take a walk due to my rage. Then I had a problem with some anxiety in my life and was put on citalopram… all of a sudden the tight feeling in my chest went away and if I did get angry…. there was no rage feeling… it was like “eh doesn’t matter”. I no longer felt like I wanted to kill someone or break something. 🙂

_darkness 1/15/2017 - 8:41 pm

but does that drug make you feel “dead” inside? I know ppl who take these drugs to not feel angry/emotional but then they just feel empty…?

jadedjewel 1/15/2017 - 8:53 pm

Citalopram ? No not for me at all I just seem to give less of a shit when people do something that normally makes me mad. It’s not a cure all for all anger. I only take 40 mgs which was bumped up from 20 cause it wasn’t quite taking the edge off. I actually made it clear I didn’t want the kind of meds that put me into next week. My anxiety case was very minor so I didn’t feel I needed anything too potent. The 40 mgs was just right. If I felt it didn’t do the trick she would’ve sent me to the mental health dept at the office for a consult and possibly something stronger but I didn’t seem to need it.

jadedjewel 1/15/2017 - 8:59 pm

The dr did tell me that a lot of psych meds have a genetic tie like if your parent is on a certain med, that same med may help you with your issue. My mom is on citalopram for depression and anxiety, but she was an alcoholic too so it was hard to really know if she got the true benefit of it. She is sober now due to being in assisted living but she is still on the citalopram, and seems to be doing great… best she’s been in years but she also has dementia too so it’s really hard to know anything really definitive about whether the citalopram is really helping her or not.

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