For as long as I can remember, I’ve hated who I am. Even more so in the last several years. I have done things that are unforgivable, and I have to live with them. The people who I affected have to deal with my mistakes, my choices, and my carelessness for the rest off their lives.
My past is a constant reminder of the mistake that I am, the disgusting creature that I’ve become. My past, always there, forcing me ti relive memories that kill me me everytime I see them.
I hate how I look. I realize beauty is a social construct, and people say it is “in the eye of the beholder”. But that’s just it. I don’t meet the criteria, and therefore I’m ugly to everyone’s standards. I hate that such a hideous face, body and soul such as mine could have been conceived.
I’m afraid that I may hurt other. I’m always looking out for the ways I might affect others, because no one deserves the pain I’ve caused. I don’t deserve life. I haven’t payed my dues, and for me to continue living is a disgrace to their existence.
So far, I’ve held on to the sliver of redemption that I may someday possess. But until then, I suffer.
9 comments
Human beings are not perfect
Yes I know. But not all are more toxic to others than its worth.
Maybe you won’t agree but this is just a view(yours) and i think you are a good person
The whole world is not perfect
Is the sun, solar system or the cosmos perfect? Or anything…
But we try to be our best and fail
Perhaps those that are labeled ‘beautiful’ aren’t. It’s a definition created by mere mortal man. Maybe the uniqueness of a person is truly near perfection from the Creator.
Same here I don’t know which is worse though if I hurt someone more than they hurt me I’m not happy with myself but it feels good that things are bad like this I’m always expecting the worst and when the worst comes it gives me some excitement because it makes me know that I’m not wrong about me or about this life I lived and that I’m paying my dues thanks to karma
Yeah. I pretty much feel I deserve whatever is coming at me.