I am having a panic attack- I really can’t think about anything else but the panic feelings, the helplessness and the tightening in my chest. My heart is beating what feels like a million miles a minute. I am freaking out. I am slowly falling apart and I can’t do this anymore.. I am on the verge of just.. falling off the face of the planet. Disappearing and not waking up. I don’t want to live anymore. I have been feeling so fucking manic and out of control. I have not been taking my psychiatric medicines and I don’t intend to really start taking them again. I feel better off with out them.. I have emergency anxiety attack medicine I could take but.. I don’t really see much point in that.. I need out. I don’t know how much longer I really want to keep trying,I have no desire to be alive or to keep on trying to battle the demons in my head. I am suicidal right now – that’s a given. I don’t want help-I don’t want to feel better or be here anymore- I just want to close my eyes and take my last breath. I am going to let my depression, bipolar and anxiety win this time. I don’t care, I just need to not be here anymore. I am not sure what method I am going to try or how I will successfully end my life- I will say goodbye one last time.. I am not wanting to do this anymore- The emotional pain and suffering I am feeling has reached its boiling point with me- I am broken and can’t be fixed- I fuck everything up and make everything worse. I can’t even successfully have a relationship with anyone – Romantic or Platonic. I have no desire to do this.. I will update as needed..
Until the last time-