holidays

Hi- Although I expect U already know this, everything U wrote in your post clearly shows you are severely “clinically” depressed. And despite my usually being anti-medicine, especially psych meds you owe it to yourself to seek out medical care ASAP. In my lifetime, I’ve experienced all the varied types of depression & sadness – (I’ve also experienced joy & happiness often when “life is going well”) – And know with certainty, although it was a long time ago, when “clinically” depressed, even when great things happen (life going well), you still feel awful + our perceptions of things is really distorted. Said another way, CLINICAL depression LIES (things are not how they seem to be)—At the current point in my life, I am severely depressed (never a day goes by that I don’t wish I was dead) – But unfortunately for me, it’s not a clinical depression – It’s due to real life traumas (horrific + ongoing bad life situations) – And although wrongly doctors are eager/willing to prescribe meds for any reason whatsoever – other than completely knocking me out (so I would be so confused I didn’t even know who I was and the TRUTH about what was going on in my life) no med could cure what has ailed me for the past few years. –Just to be sure a few months back I asked a clinic doc to prescribe the antidepressant I took years ago which worked amazingly well when I had “clinical” depression. It did nothing other than maybe giving me a little more motivation/energy to kill myself (I stopped taking it after 2 months, since I’m struggling so hard to stay alive, I don’t need anything that would push me over the edge). Point is, meds don’t fix life, but when you’re clinically depressed it’s impossible to accurately feel reality, even simple things and joys like the delicious taste of your favorite foods, etc. Please try to get on an appropriate antidepressant medicine, and if you’re already taking something, it’s not doing what it needs to be doing (a change is necessary) – Take care. And btw, I care – and if after you start feeling alive again (no longer clinically depressed) your life still sucks and you’re still miserably/painfully sad, you’ll be better equipped (and view life more accurately) to do what I’ve been doing, (unfortunately unsuccessfully), which is to try to change those life situations that make me wish so much that I could just disappear (be dead), to get away from the pain + horrors of my life. –Life can be very unfair – and sadness is a normal emotion, but “clinical” depression is not, and always distorts reality. Good Luck:)