January 9th, 2017by Black Holez
Just how do you guys deal with loneliness? It’s come to a point in my life where I just sulk around in the house all day and don’t even have the energy to go outside. My life seems to have turned for the worse and I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost my job, my friends and my family thinks I’m a total loser.
I’ve had a troubled childhood where I was bullied but that stopped when I smashed the shit out of them. The turn of events was made worse when I was bullied at work and got ganged up on every day. There isn’t a day where I wish I could return the pain they’ve caused me ten fold with fantasies of gruesome torture but not being able to fight back somehow neutered me. Now every day it seems I get picked on a lot and it’s come to a point I’m just tired of it all. I have no will to go outside and I just sulk in the house all day.
To top it off, I’ve lost my friends because they were being assholes and told them to fuck off. After that I have no one to talk to anymore apart from my girlfriend and family which is one of the causes of how I feel now. I feel so lost. I can’t even socialize anymore because I’m now anxious around people and have developed this self-conscious mindset around people not to fuck up or they pick on me again. I’m already 30 and that makes it worse because at this stage in my life I should’ve already laid down the foundations of my life.
I wasn’t like this before. I was social and fun to be around. Now I’m just a former shell and an introvert. I’m extremely angry and agitated because of all the injustice that has happened in my life. I want to lash out against the world and have fantasies of killing everyone that has wronged me. I know I have issues but I just want to let everything out that’s been bottling up inside all these years.