I just found out about this site tonight while staying up looking for types of sleeping pills at 4 a.m.
I know so many people suffering even worse than me, but I can’t help still feeling depressed. Even though my parents are being really supporting, I do have friends that I can talk to, but I feel like I only drag them down with me. I know that they will be better without me bothering them about my illness 24/7.
I’m being really selfish and I realize that, but I can’t bear with these feelings anymore. I know that I will never get better, I’ve been thinking about methods to suicide since 2 years ago. I tried to be happier, buy myself expensive things, but in the end those thoughts come back again. I can’t be healed. I need to stop wasting my parents’ money, or my friends’ time when they try to consult me not to suicide.
And worse of all, I will never get a partner in life. I mean, nobody wants a broken person as their spouse, right? I get so jealous whenever my friends posted pictures of them being with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Why life is always being unfair? Why must I be born with this body and this personality? Why I can’t love myself?
I can’t live anymore. I have no hope about “better days” or “better life” that most people will talk. But those sleeping pills are really expensive for me to afford and it’s not easy to get them in my country, so I may postpone my plan until I have enough money to buy them.
2 comments
I know this feeling but i don’t really have an answer , more than , try and start everything over again and begin with small changes . hope it will work out for you .
In life you never know. One day you might get those things or not. I’ve met really broken people in real life (i’d say more broken than i’ve ever been) and they’ve been able to find a significant other, build a family, you name it. Sure, they’ve continued struggling with their “demons”, but what i’m getting at is that nothing is that certain in life.