Just had a try with my method and If I had let it go any longer than I did I probably wouldn’t be here now so I know its a gd one.
I was so tempted to just let it go completely though but I was on my landing and all I could hear was next door arguing even through the pulsing in my ears (which was really loud) and ruined the whole thing for me (not the pulsing the argument).
During my last few thoughts before the argument next door, while everything was just pulsing I wished I had left a suicide note and maybe a written will of sorts, so before I try again that’s what I’m going to do. Hopefully then there is no regrets or wishes.
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I’m with you. I’m fed up with the way, the choices I’ve made and approaching 60,a tad late to be learning new tricks. Quit my job 30 minutes ago. I have my exit bag and just need to gather the few things that I have at my friend’s house. Really aching to experience the vastness of the unknown. Sucks here especially a loveless greedy world.
Me 2, thinking I could be gone by tonight or tommorow is exciting but still scary.
I yearn for my old life of 4 months ago. It was hardly ideal with my mental health problems, but I was still functioning at that point. I still at least got some enjoyment from the basic things like reading, watching tv, exercising etc. Now I can’t be bothered with anything, and every minute is total hell, just crawling from day to day watching normal people go about their lives.
Life is not fun, no enjoyment. Like you said, I don’t watch TV at all. No hobbies interest me. Over $60k in student loan debts. $15k from medical bills from a stroke 3 years ago.
To add insult to injury, just quit my job. Walked in then left. Tired of life and everything in it. I don’t recognize America anymore. In the 80’s and 90’s culture was pretty much the same. I can’t deal with this new global diversity.
I know I literally suffer from bipolar disorder and depression. Many of the people I worked with in the early days on the ambulance have taken their lives for various reasons and now it’s my turn.
Woody I am aldo scared but this is the only way for me, I did panic when I started earlier but it calmed down quite quickly for some reason it just felt right weirdly. I only stopped because of the aguement next door and the thought of a note because I want to tell people why and to forgive me but I don’t want to go with all the guilt.
I don’t want to encourage people to do anything that’s not what I’m here for but whatever you decide I hope you and Old medic find peace or hope.
@gemini: i realy would like to talk with you, because we’ve done so much teh same. my email is: stefan at deds.nl
But you feel so guilty about what youé done, aren’t you affraid to end up in hell? Or don’t you care about that?
I wasn’t really thinking about going to hell but hey if it’s true and it does exist I deserve it I’m not scared about that at all.
I really don’t like the idea of private messaging as that’s one more thing I’m hiding from my hubby hope you understand.
Stefan, I don’t want to disrespect your beliefs man but hell is just made up bollocks made up by the church to control people. Odds are very much in ya favour that ya just gonna cease to exist, same place you were before you came into the world.