I have a kick for naming things after vocaloid songs.
Anyways I’m way too lazy to give my whole life story. A quick summary would be I’ve spent most of it alone, as in, everybody I loved turned their backs on me at one point or another except my more recent friends and a couple have people that died.
And then I met my best friend, and it was hell, but we kept each other alive. I fell in love platonically. It was wonderful.
They started ignoring everyone. Its been 3 weeks. I dont know if I fucked anything up.
The things thats keeping me alive right now is that I think they’re coming back, and please don’t comment that they won’t, because you dont know the situation. Mostly because they make me happy, and of course, I’d just plain feel bad if I died and left them behind.
Anyways, my hopes running out, and I’ve only been able to go halfway. But I feel like once I let go I’ll be able to die and find some peace as its been pretty rough. A lot of people wonder how I’m alive.
I’ve been suicidal since I was 12, so this is mostly my brains fault. And just my shitty life in general. I’ve been on about 12 medications. I still am taking my medication actually. So I’ve tried for them.
But i want to die semi-happy, so dying soon would be nice.
2 comments
Hey, welcome to sp and I’m sorry about your situation. Has anything changed since yesterday?
Aha no i wish. I want to die a little bit more… honestly… i cant explain how much i have hope in this friend and simultaneously want to give up on them just because we were so close and theyve told me so many times they needed me and never ignored me. I can never wrap my head around what i want to do..