January 4th, 2017by who_even_cares
i can barely take this anymore. ive gotten so much anxiety about strangers that i havent left the house in days. every time i go out i feel like everyone is silently judging me and they dont want me around but it would be rude to ask me to leave. my step dad barely speaks to me anymore and my mom goes out drinking twice a week. they both dont know. they dont know how depressed i am. they dont know how close i am to taking my life. nobody knows. all my happiness feels like a mask at this point, just covering up how terrible i am. ive basically killed my grandmother and im fat and ugly and impure. ive felt so hollow for months. i dont even know if any of my “friends” would care if i took my own life. im so unnoticeable anyways. more of an inconvenience to everyone than an actual human. ignored. that might be for the best though. do kids like me go to hell? the ones who were told to end their own life. bullied. treated like dirt for so long that they no longer doubt they are. sexually harassed. driven to the brink of insanity, then told it was a joke. if i died tomorrow, people wouldnt be sad for long. they would shed their tears, but then they would move on. then they would forget. i would be exactly what they said i was for so long.
i dont even know why im posting this. maybe i should just pass without a trace. thats what i deserve anyways. just to be forgotten.
after all, its really hard to remember nothing, isnt it?