Like many people on here, I have nothing to live for, and I can’t hold on to anything to anchor me in this world. I am depressed, am riddled with self loathing and a past that haunts me.
However, I am alive. Sometimes I ask myself why, and I have no answer. I’m not a very hopeful person, however I push on. What keeps me going is the possibility that I might one day care for my own life. If I can find something to hold on to, maybe I won’t drift out to sea.
You see, I’ve learned that even when you feel like you are drowning, you can’t give up. Because one day, no matter how long it will take, one day you may submerge. Stronger.
So to anyone thinking to take their lives, remember you aren’t alone. And sometimes the salvation is closer than you may expect.
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9 comments
I’m with you on that. Thanks.
It’s amazing how we can hold onto our self-loathing and harshly judge our past and at the same time know that it drags us down. I would give anything to be a robot for a day. To dig through my mind to find those shitty useless thoughts and memories and throw them out. Bye bye. And then the next day I could go back to being me without the weight of sadness. Where there once were painful memories there would me a slip of paper that says, “The memory of a shitty thing that happened to you was not doing you any good so it was removed. Regardless, stay away from uncle Bob.”
Dude, I can relate. I’ve accepted that my brain chemistry is just fucked up. And that must people could have lived a healthy life agree what’s happened to me. I just have some bad brain chemistry and what I think on a daily basis isn’t always true.
“I just have some bad brain chemistry and what I think on a daily basis isn’t always true.” That’s a major step forward to forgiving yourself. I say that to myself, too. And I keep taking the Paxil. Paxil helps me keep those bad thoughts from taking root. Too bad it doesn’t cause good thoughts to spontaneously pop in your head… “Psst! You are a very interesting person and people like to get to know you.”
Yeah, I just have to remember that im only 17, and that logically speaking I will most likely find some happiness. And that’s enough for me.
17? I swear to god, one day they’re going to invent brain transplants and all you young fuckers are going to become an endangered species. My skin is only an IKEA away from becoming a leather couch. My EARS GROW HAIR that is on par with wire bristles. I smile and children scream. I WANT YOUR KIDNEYS DAMMIT!
Haha. Idk I don’t have great kidneys.
I self loathe also all the time. But I’m still here and you are you. Keep on moving forward.
Thank you, you too.