It’s hard to explain what’s going on in my mind right now. Today is the first day that I’ve ever looked on any “pro-suicide” websites. The thing was, as I was in line to get lunch, I was probably standing next to people worried about whether or not they’re going to make rent this month or if their spouse will remember their anniversary. And then there was me, doing research on how best to end my life. What really gets me though, is that even though I have so much in common with everyone posting and replying and surfing through here, I still felt so isolated. I felt like I didn’t belong. It struck me that maybe this was a sign. There’s that saying that goes something like “there’s a place for everyone.” Maybe this just proves that, even when surrounded by people who are here as a result of their own feelings of isolation, I still don’t belong. It’s moments like these where I most consider suicide. Not because I’m upset or because I’m in a bad place. It’s because I just don’t feel real. It feels like I shouldn’t be here.
7 comments
Please note there was also standing next to you:
A guy worrying about how to chop up his wife and fit her in a suitcase.
A young girl wondering if she can trade her newborn for crack.
A businessman planning to hire illiterate Hispanic immigrants because they won’t understand the danger of the toxic chemicals he wants to incinerate.
A bored housewife with a new drug addicted lover that is about to empty out her husband’s retirement account.
A pair of creepy twins of indeterminate sex that have wrapped their grandmother in Saran wrap to keep her from shitting all over the place while they spend her disability check at the mall.
Some people it is GOOD to feel isolated from!
Welcome to SP.
You are one twisted, creative fellow.
SeeSmith: Umm, sorry, but … I don’t see how your response helps anyone (least of all, the original poster)
Humor has its place, but I think it’s often overrated.
Nothing is ever what it seems.
I can relate to how you are feeling. I am constantly out of place in every setting even if it is a website. All you truly have is yourself in this world.
I understand how you feel, chrome, and it’s the same feeling for me. Hardly anyone responds to my posts here, and I’ve been posting for years. If you’re “witty”, you get noticed. If your thinking is not mainstream, you fall deeper into oblivion.
Every fucking place, website or IRL, I’m always the odd one out. There are “cool” cliques everywhere.
So true, if you don’t have a mainstream problem or opinion, you’ll just get pushed down to make way for those people.
I can def relate to you. Feeling like even with all these people you still don’t fit in anywhere. It’s that feeling that makes me realize I wasn’t mean’t for this world.