for the first time in months id actually say im starting to feel better. im on a new medication, ive accepted my offer to my first choice university, and im on track for alot of good things. im not by any means “happy” but im definitely feeling better. things are starting to lighten up for me, and its a nice feeling. but something that keeps dragging me down, is my boyfriend. someone who i thought was always going to be there and support me… well hes not so supportive anymore. needless to say, im quite upset. it sucks when you know hes the anchor dragging you down and bringing you back to that dark place. why dont i just dump his ass you ask? well some part of me thinks hell change. the other thing is.. i think im in love with him. i hate myself even more when i think about how fucking miserable this makes me yet i dont have the strength to break up with him. im pathetic
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Your not pathetic… the heart can’t help what it feels… even when the mind knows better. I would hate to see you put all your positive plans and goals at risk of being destroyed because of a relationship. Maybe you should think of focusing on yourself at this time instead without the distraction of a relationship. If you are meant to be with this guy, you will be. Maybe this is the universe trying to tell you there is someone else you belong with and you just are blinded by your feelings for him. If you truly want things to change and for life to be better you’re gonna want someone who IS supportive through it…. to help you otherwise they will only hinder any progress you do make. Most people love more than one person in their lifetime…. so even if this relationship isn’t meant to work out there will likely be someone else along the way that is who you do belong with.
your comments mean the world to me, you always know what to say, thank you. i guess youre right, maybe i do need to focus on myself for now. its just diffcult when i logically know what i need to do but dont because my feelings get in the way 🙁
Yes well I have dated all different kinds of guys. There is a crappy part of love though, as wonderful as it can be and feel sometimes, it can get in the way of clear thinking and doing what’s best for you. I think every girl goes through this type of issue at least once in their life, letting some guy get in the way of things, and to be honest it usually happens more than once in a lifetime. Just another part of being human.
When people are addicts and go into rehab a lot of time, the person is allowed very minimal contact with their family and friends… for good reason. It’s to give them the time and space to focus and concentrate on their rehab and recovery without any outside distractions. I think this can be useful in dealing with treating mental illness too. Cause just like an addict your not “healthy” physically or mentally enough to deal with the ups and downs and emotions of being in a relationship as those can be triggers and you quickly become thorns in each other’s sides again.
You’re busy getting your life put back together and in order. Mentally ill, you don’t feel good about yourself and all those insecurities and all that negativity have a negative effect on all aspects of your life and that trickles down through the relationship and to your boyfriend adding stress and problems in the relationship and so the cycle continues. Problems don’t get better in relationships unless the people involved are coming to it from a healthy standpoint, so you can’t try to better things still carrying a bunch of baggage through out the process. Your best chance is to deal with one first, then the other. If he truly cares about you and you are as important to him as he is to you, he would understand and be more supportive of you getting well. Having someone strong to rely on will be important some day and he may not have what it takes to be that guy for you….not that it’s his fault, he just may not have it in him to be your rock. Some guys have it and some don’t, but when it comes to love we all deserve that and that’s what makes loving someone worthwhile… when you know they’ve got your back no matter what.. for better or worse…. thats when you know they are a keeper, that’s when you know he’s worth it and worthy of YOU. There’s plenty of time to figure it out beautifulsinner, don’t feel too overwhelmed and set yourself back… your health and wellbeing are most important and you sound like you have done very well considering what you’ve been through. Be proud of yourself cause you’ve been very brave and worked hard to get this far. Keep on that track and everything will fall into place the way it’s meant to. Hugs.
Loneliness is a powerful force. You are by no means pathetic. There have been numerous times in my life I decided to make do with a dysfunctional relationship rather than strike out on my own. When you are ready to go you will go.
No, he’s not going to change. Maybe if you had a long running thing or kids or lots of handcuffs. The odds of you changing are much greater, so if I were you that’s where I’d put my energy.
Relationships are wonderful things. When you find someone that complements you, rather than completes you, things get so much easier. This is a part of youth that sucks; you only have the crudest concept of what puzzle piece shape you are and practically no idea of what shape other people are. Trial and error and alot of self analysis is the only way you get any better.
Good luck and peace be with you!
thank you. i just feel so helpless when i know what i have to do but cant do it cause of my feelings for him. i would hate to make a decision that i regret but at the same things hes the thing weighing me down and it does make me sad. im just so conflicted right now
It’s OK to be conflicted about this. If someone waved a magic wand and fixed it for you then you’d never learn anything. The feelings of stress you are experiencing are the various parts of your brain having a tug-of-war over what to do. Accept that this is natural. You aren’t defective because you can’t decide right this moment.
Here is a list of things that happened to me that I never expected in a foundering relationship…
Fell in love with someone else, so I ended my relationship.
Got a new job which changed the whole dynamic of the relationship so we stayed together.
Moved in together and found out we really couldn’t stand each other.
Realized I hated the city I was in so much that I might as well end the relationship and move.
She fell in love with someone else.
Having a parent die and I had massive perspective about what kind of BS is worth putting up with, so I ended the relationship.
My point here is something else often intervenes while you are debating over what to do. So give yourself a break and quit worrying over how you worry about your relationship! LOL.
So far as you are fighting you will never be pathetic.
Keep yourself in check with your grades and your hard work…
I am in a similar position as you (in college struggling heavily with depresssion)
I do what I need to do to get by, I suggest you do the same, it is the only thing that makes me feel like I have any worth at all.
PUT YOUR INTERESTS FIRST, NOONE ELSE WILL.
Many people including me learn this the hard way, it may be sad but it makes sense.