I touched on this topic a bit as a reply to another post as it was on my mind
I now sit here with a minimum of 3 ways to leave ad feel as if im sitting on the fence waiting for a push. I seem to look for ways to be very very upset so that I’ll take action or perhaps to get very angry for the same result.
And yet there is the hesitation, the fear, the anxiety about doing something, AND the conundrum (I think that’s the word) of doing nothing and facing the same list
I HATE going out now, like I’m ‘giving’ myself agoraphobia? Yet I had to force myself to do so to get some things, like 100% ********
There was another post about hating people. I think I do, I hate going out I hate HAVING to interact, hate answering questions even that gives me anxiety
Yet theres that feeling of wanting a friend, or just someone who I could trust and not reject, yet I know it can’t happen, since I wont allow it refuse to let anything out, have done many pills, many therapy hours. I just DONT belong
sorry, that went on too long
6 comments
I try to push everyone away so that I have reasons
yes, it would help, and I’ve already done that….ago
I feel the same way, I keep hoping I will get depressed enough that I just do it. The other day I was walking through a parking garage like a zombie, I felt absolutely nothing. That was as close as I got. So many bad things in my life and crying fits at night and I don’t understand why my misery isn’t pushing me over the edge yet. Currently looking for a suicide partner online actually, not here of course don’t want to break the rules.
Im always to scared to do anything, though I have tried
I seem to also worry about strange things too, time of day, weather, weekend or not, kind of like ambulance access, if the neighbors would see, those kind of things
It’s probably best if you feel at peace with your decision, because it is a permanent one if successful, or can have lifetime repercussions if it’s not.
So getting yourself worked up to take your life, doesn’t sound like the best plan.
I hope you find your way to be able to venture out and make an acquaintance or two. Maybe a group for social anxiety would be a good place to start.